Sunday, January 01, 2012

A New Year

The start of a new year. The day when so many people make New Year's Resolutions. I love that this year there seems to be a theme that it's not necessary to make resolutions, that every moment is a new moment and a time to make changes. I'm not a huge fan of resolutions but I do set some intentions every year. And every year I seem to fall short of all those great intentions. I have some intentions and goals for 2012 but I also, more importantly, want to live fully in each moment. I just want to be PRESENT, to JUST BE. To be with whatever arises in each moment and feel and experience it fully. I've lived most of my life feeling as if everything will be right "when......" or "if.......". This year I will strive to accomplish my goals and work through challenges all while being PRESENT and letting go of expectations.

This past five years has been very challenging for me. It started with having to face the fact that my dream of traveling and living in our RV full-time did not line up with the rest of my family's dreams. We've faced financial challenges that we've never experienced-- not for lack of finances but because of choices we've made that, looking back, weren't the best choices for our family. We are beginning a new stage of our parenting journey as our children begin to transition into adulthood. Because of this transition I've had to face myself, outside of my life as a mother, and reflect on where I want my life to be when my children are all grown. I've had to reflect on my marriage quite a bit as well, as it is so easy to settle into this comfortable rhythm that isn't necessarily serving me or my marriage very well. In short, there has been a lot of "discomfort".  Recently someone mentioned that when we are comfortable we aren't growing. I haven't experienced that feeling of being comfortable for quite some time. There has been some kind of burr in my side for a while. As I've been reflecting this week on some of the lessons that have come my way I realize that I'm not really welcoming them with open arms and learning from them. I'm constantly resisting them. 2012 is my year to take all those "lessons" that I've learned and put them to good use. If I don't like something then it's up to me to change that! I can't constantly make the same choices and expect my life to be any different. It's time to embrace some major changes in my life!

I made a big decision (for me) to go to college full-time this year. I'm working on a dietetics degree. I've always been very passionate about health and nutrition and the thought of helping people and getting paid for it is awesome! I've had a lot of ups and downs this semester, along with lots and lots of tears. I've had to really weigh in on this decision and decide whether to go all the way. When I weigh out the pros and cons the decision to get the degree always wins out. That means that I have to take all the challenges that come along with it and ride the waves, and there are a lot of waves. I finished this last semester with a 4.0 and I've been on a natural high ever since the grades came out. It's not the grades that mean so much to me, not really. What is really meaning the most to me is that I faced one of my biggest fears head-on and I won! I broke through old, yucky labels that I've either placed on myself or ones that I took on from childhood --I knocked them on the ground and stomped on them. I feel like some major breakthroughs were accomplished through this last semester of school. And I'm really enjoying school. I enjoy the entire process and I've learned a lot.

This is my starting block for all the other things that I want to accomplish this year. I want to take that same energy, the same determination, the same hard work and put it into all the other things in my life that are important. This is MY year! This is the year of being debt free, of getting health insurance, of re-igniting my marriage, and "re-arranging" my dreams rather than abandoning them. It's time to start living a passionate life again. So here is to 2012-- what is going to be a FABULOUS year full of amazing changes and growth, all while being fully aware and present in each moment.