Another Daily Om that goes so well with yesterdays:
As relationships evolve, lives gradually become entwined. We tend to have a great deal in common with the people who attract us, and our regard for them compels us to trust their judgment. While our lives may seem to run together so smoothly that the line dividing them cannot be seen, we remain separate beings. To disregard these barriers is to sacrifice independence. It is our respect for the fact that our lives exist independently of the lives of others that allows us to set emotional and physical boundaries, to explore our interests and capabilities even when people close to us do not understand our partialities, and to agree to disagree. Maintaining healthy barriers is a matter of recognizing the point at which our principles and those of our loved ones and peers no longer overlap.
Human beings must relentlessly fight the temptation to follow the crowd. Naturally, we want to be liked, accepted, and admired, and it often seems that the easiest way to win approval is to ally ourselves with others. When we assume that our standards are the same as those of the people close to us without first examining our own intentions, we do ourselves a disservice. The barriers that exist between us are a reminder that our paths in life will be unique, and we must each accept that "I" and "we" can coexist peacefully. Our reactions, our likes and dislikes, our loves, our goals, and our dreams may or may not align with those of others, but we should neither ask others to embrace what we hold dear nor feel compelled to embrace what they hold dear.
As you learn to define yourself as an emotionally and intellectually distinct individual, you will grow to appreciate your autonomy. However much you enjoy the associations that bind you to others and provide you with a sense of identity, your concept of self will ultimately originate in your own soul. The healthy barriers that tell you where you end and the people around you begin will give you the freedom to pursue your development apart from those whose approval you might otherwise be tempted to seek out. Others will continue to play a role in your existence, but their values will not direct its course, and the relationships you share will remain marvelously balanced and harmonious as a result.
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I often feel the need to change another rather than just accept the differences and be comfortable with my Self. What other's hold dear will not effect me and my Self so I can focus on bringing peace and joy into my own life and still share with others those things that we have in common. I just love that last sentence: Others will continue to play a role in your existence, but their values will not direct its course, and the relationships you share will remain marvelously balanced and harmonious as a result.
Thursday, August 02, 2007
Wanting to Join
From the Daily OM:
The ability to go into any social situation and sense the level of consciousness in that situation is a gift. It enables us to move considerately in a world that holds people of all levels of awareness. However, there is a difference between shifting our energy to accommodate people and dumbing ourselves down to a regrettable degree. Sometimes, when we get into a particular social situation, we may feel pressure to play it small in order to fit in. Perhaps everyone is drinking or smoking excessively, engaging in gossipy small talk, or complaining bitterly about politics. It is one thing to notice this and modify our expectations and another thing entirely to join in.
When we notice where people are coming from and acknowledge to ourselves that their energy is not in alignment with ours, we have several choices as to how to proceed. One viable option is to quietly endure the situation, keeping to ourselves until it is time to leave. In this way, we take care of our own consciousness and protect our growth process. Another option is to interact in a way that honors and pays respect to the people in the group, while gently attempting to shift the level of consciousness with our input. In order to do this, we must maintain our own vibration, which means that joining in by dumbing down is not an option.
When we choose to dumb ourselves down to fit in, we not only sell ourselves short but we also lose a possible opportunity to influence the situation for the good of all concerned. Our desire to join in may come from our natural yearning to feel connected to the people around us. There is no shame in this, but being able to stand on our own, separate from the crowd, is a powerful milestone on any spiritual path. It can be difficult in the moment, but when we arrive on the other side, our integrity intact, we may find ourselves feeling positively smart.
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This is something that I struggle with and I just need to learn to let go and be myself and learn not to get sucked in. We naturally have a desire to be accepted and loved but often it is at the expense of Self.
The ability to go into any social situation and sense the level of consciousness in that situation is a gift. It enables us to move considerately in a world that holds people of all levels of awareness. However, there is a difference between shifting our energy to accommodate people and dumbing ourselves down to a regrettable degree. Sometimes, when we get into a particular social situation, we may feel pressure to play it small in order to fit in. Perhaps everyone is drinking or smoking excessively, engaging in gossipy small talk, or complaining bitterly about politics. It is one thing to notice this and modify our expectations and another thing entirely to join in.
When we notice where people are coming from and acknowledge to ourselves that their energy is not in alignment with ours, we have several choices as to how to proceed. One viable option is to quietly endure the situation, keeping to ourselves until it is time to leave. In this way, we take care of our own consciousness and protect our growth process. Another option is to interact in a way that honors and pays respect to the people in the group, while gently attempting to shift the level of consciousness with our input. In order to do this, we must maintain our own vibration, which means that joining in by dumbing down is not an option.
When we choose to dumb ourselves down to fit in, we not only sell ourselves short but we also lose a possible opportunity to influence the situation for the good of all concerned. Our desire to join in may come from our natural yearning to feel connected to the people around us. There is no shame in this, but being able to stand on our own, separate from the crowd, is a powerful milestone on any spiritual path. It can be difficult in the moment, but when we arrive on the other side, our integrity intact, we may find ourselves feeling positively smart.
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This is something that I struggle with and I just need to learn to let go and be myself and learn not to get sucked in. We naturally have a desire to be accepted and loved but often it is at the expense of Self.
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
America is driven, but the world questions our destination
The following is an article that appeared in our local paper several months ago. It has been hanging on my fridge and I read it quite often. I would like to share it with the rest of you.
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Written by Todd South
I feel most like an American while driving. The movement mimics my country's attitude.
Each year, things go faster. There's always something more important to do, somewhere more important to go.
Where we're going, why are we going there so fast? What are we missing along the way?
That's the image I think the rest of the world has of us. Still moving but not going anywhere.
I'm not going to share patriotic writing that rallied the troops and citizens. The author who best tells the story of Americans wasn't too popular in his own time.
Henry David Thoreau was a bit of an outsider. He also didn't care much for any transportation outside of his own two feet.
The American I love is the nation of outsiders, nonconformists, and dreamers because America, at its core, is about possibility.
The work that illustrates this best is "Walden." Thoreau stepped away from the bustling towns of 19th-centruy Massachusetts and found solitude in the woods.
"I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life," Thoreau tells readers, "and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived."
In his cabin, he laid out thoughts that struck to the heart of what a person's life should be about. He questioned the status quo and challenged readers to examine what they considered commonplace.
For generations, we have been put to sleep by promises of comfort and security. While leading the world in material development, we have neglected our character development. Thoreau said, "The mass of men live lives of quiet desperation."
Our nation is leading its own life of quiet desperation, and we don't even realize it. Much of the world doesn't like American now.
Like our country, I know what that feels like. I served my country as a US Marine Corps sergeant in 2003 in Iraq. I was my comanding officer's driver. I drove onto and off a ship. I drove through camps and cities. Across borders and through deserts I drove. I passed camels and men who walked for days to reach a tent they called home.
I drove around bombed-out-buildings and through hawklike stares of dark men who hated me.
Once I returned home, people asked me about Iraq. I can't say too much I saw it from behind a steering wheel. But I've seen most of America from behind a steering wheel, too, always going somewhere, never really in a place, just passing through.
In Iraq, I was insulated from the people we were liberating by a thin sheet of glass and a plastic door. The Humvee I drove stood out as the only patch of green ina whirlwind of hot, brown sand and an impossibly blue sky. But the dirty glass and green plastic door were enough to divide liberated and liberators, as our president called us.
Most Americans I see are a bit more comfortable in air-conditioned, cushioned-seated cocoons rolling through cities and across this land, but they're still cut off.
If we listened to Thoreau, we might question our push forward, our need for more and more and more. We might recognize that the hope with which we once inspired other nations is now seen as sheer greed.
We might see that showcasing giant personal vehicles, immense wardrobes and eating contests to the world does not arouse others to follow our example.
In "Walden," Thoreau advocates a maxim that holds true still: simplify, simplify, simplify! He returns to the idea that people should question what they do and why they do it.
I believe we could once again lead the world through our actions and not just our spending. But this can happen only by looking inward and taking full account of our culture and what this nation is really about.
Self-determination and sacrifice, leading a deliberate life - these are the ideals that show what America was once and still wants to emulate.
If we showed the world these core principles of what America is beneath all the surface garbage we've built over generations, then others would again follow our lead.
--------------------------
Written by Todd South
I feel most like an American while driving. The movement mimics my country's attitude.
Each year, things go faster. There's always something more important to do, somewhere more important to go.
Where we're going, why are we going there so fast? What are we missing along the way?
That's the image I think the rest of the world has of us. Still moving but not going anywhere.
I'm not going to share patriotic writing that rallied the troops and citizens. The author who best tells the story of Americans wasn't too popular in his own time.
Henry David Thoreau was a bit of an outsider. He also didn't care much for any transportation outside of his own two feet.
The American I love is the nation of outsiders, nonconformists, and dreamers because America, at its core, is about possibility.
The work that illustrates this best is "Walden." Thoreau stepped away from the bustling towns of 19th-centruy Massachusetts and found solitude in the woods.
"I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life," Thoreau tells readers, "and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived."
In his cabin, he laid out thoughts that struck to the heart of what a person's life should be about. He questioned the status quo and challenged readers to examine what they considered commonplace.
For generations, we have been put to sleep by promises of comfort and security. While leading the world in material development, we have neglected our character development. Thoreau said, "The mass of men live lives of quiet desperation."
Our nation is leading its own life of quiet desperation, and we don't even realize it. Much of the world doesn't like American now.
Like our country, I know what that feels like. I served my country as a US Marine Corps sergeant in 2003 in Iraq. I was my comanding officer's driver. I drove onto and off a ship. I drove through camps and cities. Across borders and through deserts I drove. I passed camels and men who walked for days to reach a tent they called home.
I drove around bombed-out-buildings and through hawklike stares of dark men who hated me.
Once I returned home, people asked me about Iraq. I can't say too much I saw it from behind a steering wheel. But I've seen most of America from behind a steering wheel, too, always going somewhere, never really in a place, just passing through.
In Iraq, I was insulated from the people we were liberating by a thin sheet of glass and a plastic door. The Humvee I drove stood out as the only patch of green ina whirlwind of hot, brown sand and an impossibly blue sky. But the dirty glass and green plastic door were enough to divide liberated and liberators, as our president called us.
Most Americans I see are a bit more comfortable in air-conditioned, cushioned-seated cocoons rolling through cities and across this land, but they're still cut off.
If we listened to Thoreau, we might question our push forward, our need for more and more and more. We might recognize that the hope with which we once inspired other nations is now seen as sheer greed.
We might see that showcasing giant personal vehicles, immense wardrobes and eating contests to the world does not arouse others to follow our example.
In "Walden," Thoreau advocates a maxim that holds true still: simplify, simplify, simplify! He returns to the idea that people should question what they do and why they do it.
I believe we could once again lead the world through our actions and not just our spending. But this can happen only by looking inward and taking full account of our culture and what this nation is really about.
Self-determination and sacrifice, leading a deliberate life - these are the ideals that show what America was once and still wants to emulate.
If we showed the world these core principles of what America is beneath all the surface garbage we've built over generations, then others would again follow our lead.
Saturday, July 21, 2007
Harry Potter
I'm just barely catching up on my lack of sleep from taking the kids to the Harry Potter movie opening and then the book comes out!! Of course we had to go to the book release party at Barnes and Noble silly!!
Naahhh, just teasing, it was loads of fun! Martin and I found a corner, by women's studies, lol, and sat down to read our own books and people watch! Some people were sooo into character and it was quite entertaining. My favorite was the fat lady, carrying around a big frame in front of her. We got lots of pictures which I will upload later.
We now have five teens camped out at our house. They tried to stay up all night reading the book but it is awfully quiet in this house and one of them is crashed on the couch.
Tonight we are off to our first overnight camping trip, in the motorhome, this summer. Looking forward to relaxing and sleeping :)
Naahhh, just teasing, it was loads of fun! Martin and I found a corner, by women's studies, lol, and sat down to read our own books and people watch! Some people were sooo into character and it was quite entertaining. My favorite was the fat lady, carrying around a big frame in front of her. We got lots of pictures which I will upload later.
We now have five teens camped out at our house. They tried to stay up all night reading the book but it is awfully quiet in this house and one of them is crashed on the couch.
Tonight we are off to our first overnight camping trip, in the motorhome, this summer. Looking forward to relaxing and sleeping :)
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Okay, so amazing how this universe works!! I posted this morning on my journey away from Christianity and the need to constantly grow and change and not feel like I have it all figured out. I get home this evening and open my e-mail and this is what my Daily OM said:
Living in an information age, it is easy to become overwhelmed by the constant influx of scientific studies, breaking news, and even spiritual revelations that fill our bookshelves, radio waves, and in-boxes. No sooner have we decided what to eat or how to think about the universe than a new study or book comes out confounding our well-researched opinion. After a while, we may be tempted to dismiss or ignore new information in the interest of stabilizing our point of view, and this is understandable. Rather than closing down, we might try instead to remain open by allowing our intuition to guide us.
For example, contradictory studies concerning foods that are good for you and foods that are bad for you are plentiful. At a certain point, though, we can feel for ourselves whether coffee or tomatoes are good for us or not. The answer is different for each individual, and this is something that a scientific study can’t quite account for. All we can do is take in the information and process it through our own systems of understanding. In the end, only we can decide what information, ideas, and concepts we will integrate. Remaining open allows us to continually change and shift by checking in with ourselves as we learn new information. It keeps us flexible and alert, and while it can feel a bit like being thrown off balance all the time, this openness is essential to the process of growth and expansion.
Perhaps the key is realizing that we are not going to finally get to some stable place of having it all figured out. Throughout our lives we will go through the processes of opening to new information, integrating it, and stabilizing our worldview. No sooner will we have reached some kind of stability than it will be time to open again to new information, which is inherently destabilizing. If we see ourselves as surfers riding the incoming waves of information and inspiration, always open and willing to attune ourselves to the next shift, we will see how blessed we are to have this opportunity to play on the waves and, most of all, to enjoy the ride.
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So true that intuition is sooooo important. We have all the answers inside us- we just have to learn to listen. Like the book The Four Agreements explains, we have all been "domesticated" and it's not easy to shut those other voices off; all those things that we have been taught as truth that were only someone elses truth and not our own.
Living in an information age, it is easy to become overwhelmed by the constant influx of scientific studies, breaking news, and even spiritual revelations that fill our bookshelves, radio waves, and in-boxes. No sooner have we decided what to eat or how to think about the universe than a new study or book comes out confounding our well-researched opinion. After a while, we may be tempted to dismiss or ignore new information in the interest of stabilizing our point of view, and this is understandable. Rather than closing down, we might try instead to remain open by allowing our intuition to guide us.
For example, contradictory studies concerning foods that are good for you and foods that are bad for you are plentiful. At a certain point, though, we can feel for ourselves whether coffee or tomatoes are good for us or not. The answer is different for each individual, and this is something that a scientific study can’t quite account for. All we can do is take in the information and process it through our own systems of understanding. In the end, only we can decide what information, ideas, and concepts we will integrate. Remaining open allows us to continually change and shift by checking in with ourselves as we learn new information. It keeps us flexible and alert, and while it can feel a bit like being thrown off balance all the time, this openness is essential to the process of growth and expansion.
Perhaps the key is realizing that we are not going to finally get to some stable place of having it all figured out. Throughout our lives we will go through the processes of opening to new information, integrating it, and stabilizing our worldview. No sooner will we have reached some kind of stability than it will be time to open again to new information, which is inherently destabilizing. If we see ourselves as surfers riding the incoming waves of information and inspiration, always open and willing to attune ourselves to the next shift, we will see how blessed we are to have this opportunity to play on the waves and, most of all, to enjoy the ride.
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So true that intuition is sooooo important. We have all the answers inside us- we just have to learn to listen. Like the book The Four Agreements explains, we have all been "domesticated" and it's not easy to shut those other voices off; all those things that we have been taught as truth that were only someone elses truth and not our own.
Christianity
I've been so busy enjoying our very short summer that I just haven't had the time to blog like I do in the winter. I've also been a little stymied, due to my complete focus on some research that I have been a little caught up in.
I was raised in a very strict, fundamental, cult-like Christian sect that taught us to never question but to just have 'faith'. I left that church five years ago and became a member of another Christian church that, unlike the church I grew up in was not black and white in their thinking, still taught to "just have faith", to not question.
So many questions rose up in me all through my life, not only about the church I grew up in but questions about Jesus and Christianity in general. My focus five years ago was to challenge the history and validity of this sect I grew up in. I satisfied those questions quite quickly and I didn't have to look very far. But those nagging questions about Christianity continued to pop up in my mind, so many things that just don't make sense to me, yet I continued to "believe" because that is what I was taught to do. Besides the fact that so many things in the Bible don't make sense and don't add up, the Bible was telling me things that just didn't line up with what I was actually experiencing with God. I just couldn't ignore it any longer.
I have spent the last several months researching and discovering things that make me completely in awe of how ignorant man can actually be. How much we take for truth without every questioning it. And it isn't just religion, it's everything; our government and all of it's institutions, the media, the masses. It's really quite pathetic and I'm quite guilty.
My journey through unschooling has slowly taught me to question everything and to not mindlessly think in a certain way and do things just because "somebody said" or some book printed it or the government thought it was good and healthy. The more questions I ask, regarding the Bible and Christianity, the more answers I receive and the more I move away from it. And I know there is validity to the answers I am receiving because I have an inner peace that I have not felt before. I am completely content with where I am and where I am going and that means something to me.
There is a Japanese word that a friend has on her license plate- Kaizen. The Japanese definition is "change for the better", the English translation is "continuous improvement". There will always be room for change and growth, always more to learn and discover. I never want to think that I have all the answers or that I have it figured out so much that I will never change my opinion on things. This world is so full of wonder and things we will never have the answers for and I will continue to question, research, and discover.
I was raised in a very strict, fundamental, cult-like Christian sect that taught us to never question but to just have 'faith'. I left that church five years ago and became a member of another Christian church that, unlike the church I grew up in was not black and white in their thinking, still taught to "just have faith", to not question.
So many questions rose up in me all through my life, not only about the church I grew up in but questions about Jesus and Christianity in general. My focus five years ago was to challenge the history and validity of this sect I grew up in. I satisfied those questions quite quickly and I didn't have to look very far. But those nagging questions about Christianity continued to pop up in my mind, so many things that just don't make sense to me, yet I continued to "believe" because that is what I was taught to do. Besides the fact that so many things in the Bible don't make sense and don't add up, the Bible was telling me things that just didn't line up with what I was actually experiencing with God. I just couldn't ignore it any longer.
I have spent the last several months researching and discovering things that make me completely in awe of how ignorant man can actually be. How much we take for truth without every questioning it. And it isn't just religion, it's everything; our government and all of it's institutions, the media, the masses. It's really quite pathetic and I'm quite guilty.
My journey through unschooling has slowly taught me to question everything and to not mindlessly think in a certain way and do things just because "somebody said" or some book printed it or the government thought it was good and healthy. The more questions I ask, regarding the Bible and Christianity, the more answers I receive and the more I move away from it. And I know there is validity to the answers I am receiving because I have an inner peace that I have not felt before. I am completely content with where I am and where I am going and that means something to me.
There is a Japanese word that a friend has on her license plate- Kaizen. The Japanese definition is "change for the better", the English translation is "continuous improvement". There will always be room for change and growth, always more to learn and discover. I never want to think that I have all the answers or that I have it figured out so much that I will never change my opinion on things. This world is so full of wonder and things we will never have the answers for and I will continue to question, research, and discover.
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Awesome week!!
It's been an incredibly wonderful week filled with friends, family, and a lot of fun!!
Last Wednesday was Rylee's birthday. We went to H2Oasis, the local indoor waterpark, and swam for a couple of hours and then on to my sister's house for food and birthday cake. She's six years old; hard to believe!
Last Friday we went up to Girdwood (about 70 miles south of where we live) and went to the Forest Fair; a fun, hippie festival where I was completely in my element! They had tons of booths, food, and great music. The teenagers didn't appreciate it as much as Tanya and I so they spent most of the time in the car listening to their own music, but that was fine with us. Problem was when we got back to the car they didn't actually turn the car on and they ran my battery out so we were dead in Girdwood. I had to go around asking people for a jump and finally rounded up this nice young man. He was quite proud of himself; bragging about money and how he was getting ready to get drafted by the NHL and offered to hook us up with some NHL stars, lol! Quite entertaining.
Saturday morning we met Martin's mom, dad, sister, and niece, and my sister, brother-in-law, and niece for lunch at Vagabond's. I then took Rylee out to pick her own birthday present out because I just couldn't think of anything to get her last week. Saturday night Martin and I took the kids, along with a couple of Kev's friends to Ratatouille. What a great movie! We are definitely buying that one.
Monday we hung out with friends, I went with my friend Tanya to get her nose pierced (so pretty!), and then I went to yoga (as usual).
Then last night was really exciting, lol! 14 of us headed into Anchorage around 5:30, went to dinner, the mall, and then headed over to the theatre for the Harry Potter opening. We got to the theatre at 9:00 (the movie didn't start until 12:00) and sat around chit chatting for three hours. It actually went by pretty fast, having my best friends there to talk with. And at least we got good seats! I hate those openings when you end up getting stuck up in the very front! We didn't pull into the driveway until just before 4:00 am. I am one of the few people that don't work too so I'm sure everyone is exhausted today. I got to sleep until 10:15 so I'm not doing so bad today. It was a really fun night; I just really enjoy hanging out with my kids and their friends and to top it off I had my good friends there too. It helps that my best friends are the mothers of Kev's best friends :)
Monday, July 02, 2007
Love
I went to bed last night very angry and frustrated. Yet another evening with the stepmom and all her complaining and poisonous, negative energy; feeling the need to have a conversation with my dad and vent!
This morning I woke up, and during my meditation time I spent time saying the prayers from "The Four Agreements", and suddenly the anger and frustration vanished and in it's place was a sadness and a need to pray that God would send her peace and heal her from whatever hurt that she is feeling and spreading all around her. Just the reminder that I see myself in all people and that we are all connected and when I send her frustration and anger, I am only giving it to myself and feeding myself with that poison.
These are the two prayers from The Four Agreements which, if you haven't read you must. I apologize that they are so long but they will fill your day with peace. When we love ourselves and fill ourselves with peace and love that is what we have to give away to others.
Prayer for Love:
We are going to share a beautiful dream together- a dream that you will love to have all of the time. In this dream you are in the middle of a beautiful, warm sunny day. You hear the birds, the wind, and a little river. You walk toward the river. At the edge of the river is an old man in meditation, and you see that out of his head comes a beautiful light of different colors. You try not to bother him, but he notices your presence and opens his eyes. He has the kind of eyes that are full of love and a big smile. You ask him how he is able to radiate all that beautiful light. You ask him if he can teach you to do what he is doing., He replies that many, many, years ago he asked the same question of his teacher.
The old man begins to tell you his story: "My teacher opened his chest and took out his heart, and he took a beautiful flame from his heart. Then he opened my chest, opened my heart, and he put that little flame inside it. He put my heart back in my chest, and as soon as my heart was inside of me, I felt intense love, because the flame he put in my heart was his own love.
"That flame grew in my heart and became a big, big fire- a fire that doesn't burn, but purifies everything that it touches. And that fire touched each one of the cells of my body, and the cells of my body loved me back. I became one with my body, but my love grew even more. That fire touched every emotion of my mind, and all the emotions transformed into a strong and intense love. And I loved myself, completely and unconditionally.
"But the fire kept burning and I had the need to share my love. I decided to put a little piece of my love in every tree, and the trees loved me back, and I became one with the trees, but my love did not stop, it grew more. I put a piece of love in every flower, in the grass, in the earth and they loved me back, and we became one. And my love grew more and more to love every animal in the world. They responded to my love and loved me back, and we became one. But my love kept growing and growing.
"I put a piece of my love in every crystal, in every stone in the ground, in the dirt, in the metals, and they loved me back, and I became one with the earth. And then I decided to put my love in the water, in the oceans, in the rivers, in the rain, in the snow. And they loved me back and we became one. And still my love grew more and more. I decided to give my love to the air, to the wind. I felt a strong communion with the earth, with the wind, with the oceans, with nature, and my love grew and grew.
"I turned my head to the sky, to the sun, to the stars, and put a little piece of my love in every star, in the moon, in the sun, and they loved me back. And I became one with the moon and the sun and the stars, and my love kept growing and growing. And I put a little piece of my love in every human, and I became one with the whole of humanity. Wherever I go, whomever I meet, I see myself in their eyes, because I am a part of everything, because I love."
And then the old man opens his own chest, takes out his heart with that beautiful flame inside, and he puts that flame in your heart. And now that love is growing inside of you. Now you are one with the wind, with the water, with the stars, with all of nature, with all animals, and with all humans. You feel the heat and the light emanating from the flame in your heart. Out of your head shines a beautiful light of diffferent colors. You are radiant with the glow of love and you pray:
Thank you, Creator of the Universe, for the gift of life you have given me. Thank you for giving me everything that I have ever truly needed. Thank you for the opportunity to experience this beautiful body and this wonderful mind. Thank you for living inside me with all your love, with your pure and boundless spirit, with your warm and radiant light.
Thank you for using my words, for using my eyes, for using my heart to share your love wherever I go. I love you just the way you are, and because I am your creation, I love myself just the way I am. Help me to keep the love and the peace in my heart and to make that love a new way of life, that I may live in the love the rest of my life. Amen.
Prayer for Freedom:
Today, Creator of the Universe, we ask that you come to us and share with us a strong communion of love. We know that your real name is Love, that to have a communion with you means to share the same vibration, the same frequency that you are, because you are the only thing that exists in the universe.
Today, help us to be like you are, to love life, to be life, to be love. Help us to love the way you love, with no conditions, no expectations, no obligations, without any judgment. because when we judge ourselves, we find ourselves guilty and we need to be punished.
Help us to love everything you create unconditionally, especially other human beings, especially those who live around us- all our relatives and people whom we try so hard to love. Because when we reject them, we reject ourselves, and when we reject ourselves, we reject You.
Help us to love others just the way they are with no conditions. Help us to accept them the way they are, without judgment, because if we judge them, we find them guilty, we blame them, and we have the need to punish them.
Today, clean our hearts of any emotional poison that we have, free our minds from any judgment so that we can live in complete peace and complete love.
Today is a very special day. Today we open our hearts to love again so that we can tell each other "I love you," without any fear, and really mean it. Today, we offer ourselves to you. Come to us, use our voices, use our eyes, use our hands, and use our hearts to share ourselves in a communion of love with everyone. Today, Creator, help us to be just like you are. Thank you for everything that we recieve this day, especially for the freedom to be who we really are. Amen.
This morning I woke up, and during my meditation time I spent time saying the prayers from "The Four Agreements", and suddenly the anger and frustration vanished and in it's place was a sadness and a need to pray that God would send her peace and heal her from whatever hurt that she is feeling and spreading all around her. Just the reminder that I see myself in all people and that we are all connected and when I send her frustration and anger, I am only giving it to myself and feeding myself with that poison.
These are the two prayers from The Four Agreements which, if you haven't read you must. I apologize that they are so long but they will fill your day with peace. When we love ourselves and fill ourselves with peace and love that is what we have to give away to others.
Prayer for Love:
We are going to share a beautiful dream together- a dream that you will love to have all of the time. In this dream you are in the middle of a beautiful, warm sunny day. You hear the birds, the wind, and a little river. You walk toward the river. At the edge of the river is an old man in meditation, and you see that out of his head comes a beautiful light of different colors. You try not to bother him, but he notices your presence and opens his eyes. He has the kind of eyes that are full of love and a big smile. You ask him how he is able to radiate all that beautiful light. You ask him if he can teach you to do what he is doing., He replies that many, many, years ago he asked the same question of his teacher.
The old man begins to tell you his story: "My teacher opened his chest and took out his heart, and he took a beautiful flame from his heart. Then he opened my chest, opened my heart, and he put that little flame inside it. He put my heart back in my chest, and as soon as my heart was inside of me, I felt intense love, because the flame he put in my heart was his own love.
"That flame grew in my heart and became a big, big fire- a fire that doesn't burn, but purifies everything that it touches. And that fire touched each one of the cells of my body, and the cells of my body loved me back. I became one with my body, but my love grew even more. That fire touched every emotion of my mind, and all the emotions transformed into a strong and intense love. And I loved myself, completely and unconditionally.
"But the fire kept burning and I had the need to share my love. I decided to put a little piece of my love in every tree, and the trees loved me back, and I became one with the trees, but my love did not stop, it grew more. I put a piece of love in every flower, in the grass, in the earth and they loved me back, and we became one. And my love grew more and more to love every animal in the world. They responded to my love and loved me back, and we became one. But my love kept growing and growing.
"I put a piece of my love in every crystal, in every stone in the ground, in the dirt, in the metals, and they loved me back, and I became one with the earth. And then I decided to put my love in the water, in the oceans, in the rivers, in the rain, in the snow. And they loved me back and we became one. And still my love grew more and more. I decided to give my love to the air, to the wind. I felt a strong communion with the earth, with the wind, with the oceans, with nature, and my love grew and grew.
"I turned my head to the sky, to the sun, to the stars, and put a little piece of my love in every star, in the moon, in the sun, and they loved me back. And I became one with the moon and the sun and the stars, and my love kept growing and growing. And I put a little piece of my love in every human, and I became one with the whole of humanity. Wherever I go, whomever I meet, I see myself in their eyes, because I am a part of everything, because I love."
And then the old man opens his own chest, takes out his heart with that beautiful flame inside, and he puts that flame in your heart. And now that love is growing inside of you. Now you are one with the wind, with the water, with the stars, with all of nature, with all animals, and with all humans. You feel the heat and the light emanating from the flame in your heart. Out of your head shines a beautiful light of diffferent colors. You are radiant with the glow of love and you pray:
Thank you, Creator of the Universe, for the gift of life you have given me. Thank you for giving me everything that I have ever truly needed. Thank you for the opportunity to experience this beautiful body and this wonderful mind. Thank you for living inside me with all your love, with your pure and boundless spirit, with your warm and radiant light.
Thank you for using my words, for using my eyes, for using my heart to share your love wherever I go. I love you just the way you are, and because I am your creation, I love myself just the way I am. Help me to keep the love and the peace in my heart and to make that love a new way of life, that I may live in the love the rest of my life. Amen.
Prayer for Freedom:
Today, Creator of the Universe, we ask that you come to us and share with us a strong communion of love. We know that your real name is Love, that to have a communion with you means to share the same vibration, the same frequency that you are, because you are the only thing that exists in the universe.
Today, help us to be like you are, to love life, to be life, to be love. Help us to love the way you love, with no conditions, no expectations, no obligations, without any judgment. because when we judge ourselves, we find ourselves guilty and we need to be punished.
Help us to love everything you create unconditionally, especially other human beings, especially those who live around us- all our relatives and people whom we try so hard to love. Because when we reject them, we reject ourselves, and when we reject ourselves, we reject You.
Help us to love others just the way they are with no conditions. Help us to accept them the way they are, without judgment, because if we judge them, we find them guilty, we blame them, and we have the need to punish them.
Today, clean our hearts of any emotional poison that we have, free our minds from any judgment so that we can live in complete peace and complete love.
Today is a very special day. Today we open our hearts to love again so that we can tell each other "I love you," without any fear, and really mean it. Today, we offer ourselves to you. Come to us, use our voices, use our eyes, use our hands, and use our hearts to share ourselves in a communion of love with everyone. Today, Creator, help us to be just like you are. Thank you for everything that we recieve this day, especially for the freedom to be who we really are. Amen.
Sunday, July 01, 2007
Another Wonderful Week
Another incredibly wonderful week under my belt. It just seems that my life has found its groove. I have this inward peace that is pretty hard to push off kilter. Even on the seemingly "bad" days life is just good.
We have had quite a few sunny, warm days. The kids and I have been spending quite a bit of time at the lake. We have even dreamed about living on the lake but not sure if we want to create the chaos that it takes to move again. Our housing market here is pretty flat at the moment so it wouldn't be a smart move to sell our house anyway. Renting it out is always a possibility though.
Thursday we went to music at the park; trying to make a habit of it for the summer. This week was bluegrass. Quite often the music that is being played is not really my kind of music but it is something about the atmosphere of being at the park, with people of all different walks of life sitting there enjoying something together, that does something for my soul. My good friends Tanya and Debbie came too (picture at the top) which makes it even more enjoyable.
Right before we went to the park I got this new tattoo and Kev got his eyebrow pierced. I'm personally not into the facial piercings, it really grosses me out, but it's his body and he thinks they look really nice so............ I suppose some people think tattoos are a turnoff also and I happen to think they are a beautiful work of art so I guess to each his own. What made it even more fun is that all the kids and Martin were there along with two of Kev's friend and one of their mom's. It almost made me feel like a monkey in the zoo but it created some wonderfully, good energy!
On Friday Calista and I went to Friday Fling with Tanya and Sarah. Friday Fling is kind of like a Saturday Market but much smaller; music and local craft booths, food, etc. We started the day with soup from our favorite coffee shop, Vagabond Blues, and ended the day with a trip to a new thrift store in downtown Palmer. This new thrift store is made up of all very trendy, brand name clothes. I bought a jacket that is just rocking my world!! I will post pictures of that later, as I have to fix a little rip on it first.
Later in the evening we went over to Debbie and Ryan's for "spinach crap". Kev hangs out at the Murphy's every Monday, during Heroes season, and Debbie started a tradition of making this spinach ravioli stuff that the kids have dubbed "spinach crap". It's their favorite dish and I never make it right to their standards. I guess Debbie has a special touch when she makes it :) After we ate our "spinach crap" we played a game of Japanese Rummy. That was the first time we played, very fun! We are very thankful to be blessed with such wonderful friends!
I also made an official decision this week to go ahead with the yoga teachers certification class so that I can teach yoga. She decided to add a new class in October so it will be happening a lot sooner than I thought. On the application one of the things she asks us to do is right a story about ourselves and be introspective about it. It's funny that it makes me so anxious because I blog all the time and am fairly introspective about things but something about "having" to do it makes me feel like I am back in elementary school. So all week I have been wringing my hands over what this story might be. I think I have an idea, just funny that it is requiring so much of my energy. This class will give me the 200 hr certification and then in June of next year I will continue on and get my 500 hr certification, which allows me to teach anywhere, where as the 20o hr has some limitations.
Martin's ENTIRE family will be coming to visit in the next month which will add a little more excitement. One sister and niece will be here this week so we look forward to a good time! There will be one week in August that they will all overlap and be here at the same time to celebrate Merle and Lois's 50th wedding anniversary. He has four sisters, three brother-in-laws and seven nieces and nephews so it will be a busy, fun time that we are all looking forward to.
I'm sorry this post is so squooshed together. Blogger is on the blitz today and won't let me make spaces between the paragraphs.
Friday, June 22, 2007
Beautiful Week
This is how my morning started. I don't think it could have started better! I took the dogs out this morning, looked down and there it was; a four leaf clover. Maybe this day will bring me some luck! This has been a nice, relaxing week. We've had sunshiny, 80 degree weather all week long and the kids and I have spent every day at the lake. We've got these nice Alaskan tans going. Today is gray and cloudy but I don't mind after such a beautiful week.
I'm just finishing week 7 (out of 9) of my yoga challenge. I think I have decided to get my teacher certification in the spring, to teach yoga. It has changed my life in so many ways and I would like to share that with others. Meanwhile, I will spend this year in my practice and take it one step further. Wed. night was so nice outside that we walked down to the park for our yoga class and then on Thurs. morning it was only the teacher, another teacher from the studio and me at class so we did a completely silent class, meaning there was absolutely no cues given during class. It was awesome!! It felt like my own yoga practice, rather than being in a class.
So today, since it is so cloudy, I'm going to spend the day getting ready for our garage sale tomorrow. Once again, I am purging, trying to get down to just what we need and enjoy. If it is raining tomorrow that is going to screw us up but I will just reschedule for next weekend.
Monday, June 18, 2007
8 things about me
Okay, my sister, Ren, tagged me for 8 things about me. I'm going to go ahead and post 8 things about me but I'm not going to tag anyone. We have a lot of blog friends in common and so I'm sure some of them will be tagged multiple times so I will spare everyone. So eight things about me:
1) I LOVE heat!!!! Most people find that hard to believe, as I do live in Alaska. I know it's crazy. I live here for the people and the community, not the weather. My escape is the 2 hours that I spend every day doing Bikraam yoga, in a room heated to 110 degrees, sometimes a little warmer. And in the winter I just crank that woodstove!! I always smell like woodsmoke but I am warm!
2) I'm a vegetarian. I lean towards being vegan but just can't give up the cheese! I LOVE cheese. I don't do milk or eggs but I love cheese. My oldest son went vegetarian about 5 or 6 years ago and my two youngest went vegetarian several months ago. Now the only one left is my husband. He prefers the vegetarian diet but still likes his steak once in a while. It's fun to have kids that prefer hummus and tofu over anything else!
3) I'm a huge dreamer!! I love to dream and I do it out loud. I learned a while back that if you talk about your dreams like they are fact that they tend to manifest much easier. Some people think I'm a big talker because 70% of the dreams never do manifest but it's worth the 30% that do. I never want to quit thinking big! Calista asked me the other day if I'm just one of those people that like change and yes, I do!! I love adventures, new things, new experiences. I'm learning to take myself out of my comfort zone and into situations that help me grow as a person.
4) I can't hurt a fly, literally! I save spiders for goodness sake! I feel that all living beings have a right to be here and they all have their purpose. Oh, I do kill mosquitoes, have a hard time with those little buggers. Calista cried when she accidentally hurt a firefly and I love that I've raised kids with a sensitivity towards life. All living things are connected. I love that the American Natives would thank those animals, that they killed for food, for sustaining them through their sacrifice and that the ground they killed them on was considered sacred ground. I don't think Americans give much thought to where their food even comes from. I'm not against those that eat meat or kill animals for their meat but I have a hard time with people that have no regards for living beings and don't do it in a humane way. I REALLY have a hard time with people that hunt for sport, SICK!!
5) I love to clog!! Some people don't know what clogging is but it is similar to tapping, in that you make a sound with your shoes but the shoes are different (clogging shoes have "bells", two pieces of metal that tap together), and the steps are completely different too. I haven't been able to clog since last fall because of money and the fact that I have been more focused on my yoga practice but plan on getting more clogging in here soon. It's so much fun!
6) I LOVE being a mom!! I mean, I REALLY LOVE being a mom!! And I enjoy my teenage son so much that it makes me sad to think in four years he could leave the nest if he chooses. I have frustrating days but I love being home and being surrounded by my kids; noise, chaos and all!!
7) I have one tattoo and have plans for many more. I think they are beautiful, or should I say some are beautiful as I have seen lots that I think are morbid and not so beautiful. In the next few months I have plans for an ankle band and a rose on my ankle in memory of my mom, with my mom's signature at the bottom.
8) My friends call me Dharma, self-explanatory for those of you who really know me. I guess I'm a little eccentric by most people's definitions. In the unschooling world I'm really not so different. But being called Dharma is definitely a compliment!
1) I LOVE heat!!!! Most people find that hard to believe, as I do live in Alaska. I know it's crazy. I live here for the people and the community, not the weather. My escape is the 2 hours that I spend every day doing Bikraam yoga, in a room heated to 110 degrees, sometimes a little warmer. And in the winter I just crank that woodstove!! I always smell like woodsmoke but I am warm!
2) I'm a vegetarian. I lean towards being vegan but just can't give up the cheese! I LOVE cheese. I don't do milk or eggs but I love cheese. My oldest son went vegetarian about 5 or 6 years ago and my two youngest went vegetarian several months ago. Now the only one left is my husband. He prefers the vegetarian diet but still likes his steak once in a while. It's fun to have kids that prefer hummus and tofu over anything else!
3) I'm a huge dreamer!! I love to dream and I do it out loud. I learned a while back that if you talk about your dreams like they are fact that they tend to manifest much easier. Some people think I'm a big talker because 70% of the dreams never do manifest but it's worth the 30% that do. I never want to quit thinking big! Calista asked me the other day if I'm just one of those people that like change and yes, I do!! I love adventures, new things, new experiences. I'm learning to take myself out of my comfort zone and into situations that help me grow as a person.
4) I can't hurt a fly, literally! I save spiders for goodness sake! I feel that all living beings have a right to be here and they all have their purpose. Oh, I do kill mosquitoes, have a hard time with those little buggers. Calista cried when she accidentally hurt a firefly and I love that I've raised kids with a sensitivity towards life. All living things are connected. I love that the American Natives would thank those animals, that they killed for food, for sustaining them through their sacrifice and that the ground they killed them on was considered sacred ground. I don't think Americans give much thought to where their food even comes from. I'm not against those that eat meat or kill animals for their meat but I have a hard time with people that have no regards for living beings and don't do it in a humane way. I REALLY have a hard time with people that hunt for sport, SICK!!
5) I love to clog!! Some people don't know what clogging is but it is similar to tapping, in that you make a sound with your shoes but the shoes are different (clogging shoes have "bells", two pieces of metal that tap together), and the steps are completely different too. I haven't been able to clog since last fall because of money and the fact that I have been more focused on my yoga practice but plan on getting more clogging in here soon. It's so much fun!
6) I LOVE being a mom!! I mean, I REALLY LOVE being a mom!! And I enjoy my teenage son so much that it makes me sad to think in four years he could leave the nest if he chooses. I have frustrating days but I love being home and being surrounded by my kids; noise, chaos and all!!
7) I have one tattoo and have plans for many more. I think they are beautiful, or should I say some are beautiful as I have seen lots that I think are morbid and not so beautiful. In the next few months I have plans for an ankle band and a rose on my ankle in memory of my mom, with my mom's signature at the bottom.
8) My friends call me Dharma, self-explanatory for those of you who really know me. I guess I'm a little eccentric by most people's definitions. In the unschooling world I'm really not so different. But being called Dharma is definitely a compliment!
Friday, June 15, 2007
Beautiful
I got this picture from a magazine ad for Dove. I just love this picture because this is an amazingly beautiful woman but she is not the picture of how our society defines beauty. The ad says:
wrinkled?
wonderful?
When did beauty become limited by age? It's time to think, talk and learn how to make beauty real again.
I love it!! At what point did society decide that the stretched plastic, 'I want to look young but I really don't' look is beautiful? Why are people always trying to attain this "perfection" of beauty, this eternal youth kind of beauty? Why do we worship youth so much? I think this woman is so beautiful, so much more beautiful than fake, perky boobs and stretched faces.
Thursday, June 14, 2007
What a night!!
Wow, what a night!!
Today was a great day; I took my 42nd yoga class!! Yay! I'm three weeks from finishing my challenge; 5 classes a week for 9 weeks. It was one of my best classes yet too. There was just some great energy and I had a neck injury last week that let loose in the middle of class and gave me some incredible relief from the pain I've had all week. The kids and I went to the lake for a little while and then came home to pack a picnic dinner for music in the park.
So we had this wonderful dinner, quite fancy for a cooler dinner and we were sitting enjoying the music with some friends. The teens started walking towards the skate park on the bike path because Hope saw some friends of hers over there. So these kids come over to talk to Hope and they turn to Kev and say, "Dude, fight me." Kev is like um, don't think so. The kids says, "Come on I need to get some energy out." Before you know it there is a big group of kids egging it on to get Kev to fight this kid. Kev is walking quickly back towards me to avoid the situation getting any worse when one kids shoves him and almost makes him do a face plant and then the other kids comes in front of him and punches him right in the face.
He gets back to us with a big fat lip and a bloody nose and I'm like 'what the heck'. I go get the park ranger and let him know that I want to press charges so he calls the Wasilla Police to report to the park. As we are waiting for the cop we witness a mother assaulting her teenage daughter and it was getting fairly violent; the child screaming and the mother pulling her hair. Unbelievable!! The ranger doesn't feel like he can do much because he is only a ranger so I tell him that if he doesn't do anything that I will. Just as he goes to try and diffuse the situation the trooper pulls up and I tell him to deal with this poor teenage girl and her mom first. The trooper says, "I think I need to just let her be a mom." I was like, "Excuse me? That doesn't work for me!" He finally agrees to go talk to them and once he deals with that we go take care of these kids at the skate park. A few of the kids came clean and their story matched Kev's, in that he had nothing to do with the fight and the kids were just being jerks. They got suspended from the park but big deal. Apparently, even if you press charges all they get is suspension and you've wasted a bunch of energy on it.
Kev was a little shaken up and he has a big whoppin headache but is otherwise okay. He is floored by the immaturity of kids that are his age. The sad thing is they don't have parents that give a crap about them.
I missed most of the music in the park but when someone messes with my kids, watch out because here comes momma bear!! I was pretty fired up!! Maybe next week will be a little more mellow.
Today was a great day; I took my 42nd yoga class!! Yay! I'm three weeks from finishing my challenge; 5 classes a week for 9 weeks. It was one of my best classes yet too. There was just some great energy and I had a neck injury last week that let loose in the middle of class and gave me some incredible relief from the pain I've had all week. The kids and I went to the lake for a little while and then came home to pack a picnic dinner for music in the park.
So we had this wonderful dinner, quite fancy for a cooler dinner and we were sitting enjoying the music with some friends. The teens started walking towards the skate park on the bike path because Hope saw some friends of hers over there. So these kids come over to talk to Hope and they turn to Kev and say, "Dude, fight me." Kev is like um, don't think so. The kids says, "Come on I need to get some energy out." Before you know it there is a big group of kids egging it on to get Kev to fight this kid. Kev is walking quickly back towards me to avoid the situation getting any worse when one kids shoves him and almost makes him do a face plant and then the other kids comes in front of him and punches him right in the face.
He gets back to us with a big fat lip and a bloody nose and I'm like 'what the heck'. I go get the park ranger and let him know that I want to press charges so he calls the Wasilla Police to report to the park. As we are waiting for the cop we witness a mother assaulting her teenage daughter and it was getting fairly violent; the child screaming and the mother pulling her hair. Unbelievable!! The ranger doesn't feel like he can do much because he is only a ranger so I tell him that if he doesn't do anything that I will. Just as he goes to try and diffuse the situation the trooper pulls up and I tell him to deal with this poor teenage girl and her mom first. The trooper says, "I think I need to just let her be a mom." I was like, "Excuse me? That doesn't work for me!" He finally agrees to go talk to them and once he deals with that we go take care of these kids at the skate park. A few of the kids came clean and their story matched Kev's, in that he had nothing to do with the fight and the kids were just being jerks. They got suspended from the park but big deal. Apparently, even if you press charges all they get is suspension and you've wasted a bunch of energy on it.
Kev was a little shaken up and he has a big whoppin headache but is otherwise okay. He is floored by the immaturity of kids that are his age. The sad thing is they don't have parents that give a crap about them.
I missed most of the music in the park but when someone messes with my kids, watch out because here comes momma bear!! I was pretty fired up!! Maybe next week will be a little more mellow.
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Busy Week
It's been a busy, busy week! I haven't hardly had time to get on and check my e-mails, much less to blog.
Summer decided to finally make her entrance, although by most peoples standards it could hardly be called summer. I think we did hit 70 degrees this week though, barely. Today looks like a possible over 70 degree day.
Last Saturday we spent a little time at the lake with Robin, Richard and Rylee. Richard recently aquired a boat so he took all the kids out for a ride. Still a little too chilly for me so I sat on the beach and got a little sun :) Yesterday we picked up some puppies from the rescue and delivered them to Petco, in Anchorage, for the adoption clinic. Then we went to the rennaissance fair for a few hours. The day started cloudy so I was a little worried about being cold but just as we got there the sun came out and it warmed up. Plus I had my poncho that Kelli Traaseth so kindly made for me so I was nice and cozy.
The fair was interesting. I had never been to a rennaissance fair before. I have to admit that it was a little out of my element. I don't quite know what to do with everyone that is in character. It was a fun, new experience though; good to get out of our comfort zones every once in a while. Tristan LOVED it and could have camped out there all weekend. He just thought it was so cool! He has always been a bit taken with medeival things so I wasn't actually surprised that he enjoyed it so much.
After the fair we went to dinner. I had Kev's friends, Hope and Kevin with me and Hope's parents, along with my husband, sister, and niece met us in town for dinner. They actually made it to about an hour of the fair and then we all headed over to Twin Dragon's, mongolion barbeque, for dinner. After dinner the teens got dropped off at a concert that they have been waiting to go to, Scary Kids Scaring Kids, and the rest of us went and saw a movie. We didn't all agree on what we wanted to see so Robin and I took the girls to Surf's Up and Martin, Debbie, Ryan and Tristan went and saw something else, can't remember the name of the movie right now. We picked the teens up around 11:30 and headed back home. What a day!
This morning I woke up to sunshine, yay!! We have a couple of things to do to the motorhome today and it will go up on the lot this afternoon. We are praying that we haven't missed the window to be able to sell it. People in Alaska generally purchase those kinds of things in April and May and it is much harder to sell motorhomes after May. We will hope for the best. I wish my house was as clean as the motorhome, as we wiped down every single surface, nook and cranny in it. Hopefully once we are done with that we can spend some time enjoying the sun. I wanted to go to Talkeetna today but it's not looking too promising.
Summer decided to finally make her entrance, although by most peoples standards it could hardly be called summer. I think we did hit 70 degrees this week though, barely. Today looks like a possible over 70 degree day.
Last Saturday we spent a little time at the lake with Robin, Richard and Rylee. Richard recently aquired a boat so he took all the kids out for a ride. Still a little too chilly for me so I sat on the beach and got a little sun :) Yesterday we picked up some puppies from the rescue and delivered them to Petco, in Anchorage, for the adoption clinic. Then we went to the rennaissance fair for a few hours. The day started cloudy so I was a little worried about being cold but just as we got there the sun came out and it warmed up. Plus I had my poncho that Kelli Traaseth so kindly made for me so I was nice and cozy.
The fair was interesting. I had never been to a rennaissance fair before. I have to admit that it was a little out of my element. I don't quite know what to do with everyone that is in character. It was a fun, new experience though; good to get out of our comfort zones every once in a while. Tristan LOVED it and could have camped out there all weekend. He just thought it was so cool! He has always been a bit taken with medeival things so I wasn't actually surprised that he enjoyed it so much.
After the fair we went to dinner. I had Kev's friends, Hope and Kevin with me and Hope's parents, along with my husband, sister, and niece met us in town for dinner. They actually made it to about an hour of the fair and then we all headed over to Twin Dragon's, mongolion barbeque, for dinner. After dinner the teens got dropped off at a concert that they have been waiting to go to, Scary Kids Scaring Kids, and the rest of us went and saw a movie. We didn't all agree on what we wanted to see so Robin and I took the girls to Surf's Up and Martin, Debbie, Ryan and Tristan went and saw something else, can't remember the name of the movie right now. We picked the teens up around 11:30 and headed back home. What a day!
This morning I woke up to sunshine, yay!! We have a couple of things to do to the motorhome today and it will go up on the lot this afternoon. We are praying that we haven't missed the window to be able to sell it. People in Alaska generally purchase those kinds of things in April and May and it is much harder to sell motorhomes after May. We will hope for the best. I wish my house was as clean as the motorhome, as we wiped down every single surface, nook and cranny in it. Hopefully once we are done with that we can spend some time enjoying the sun. I wanted to go to Talkeetna today but it's not looking too promising.
Sunday, June 03, 2007
My Bestest Friend
I got a visit from my "bestest friend" this week. Sarah was visiting her auntie in Seattle and Sheli flew into Anchorage to meet her for the leg back to Fairbanks. I ran into Anchorage to spend a few precious hours with her.
Sheli is one of the few friends in my life that loves me just as I am. I met Sheli when we were both pregnant with our oldest children, Kevin and Kayla. When the kids were 4 and ended up in the same preschool (the only experience of school for Kev) is when our friendship really sparked. 11 wonderful years! She has been here through births and deaths, joys and sorrow, moves, relationship problems, family problems, and lots and lots of fun. Next to my family she knows me better than any other person and she still loves me! She knows all my little quirkies and actually appreciates some of them. I love you Sheli, thank you for making my week so special.
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Great Weekend
What a wonderful, perfectly relaxing weekend this was.
Saturday my friend, Debbie, picked me up at 8:00 am for some garage sale-ing. We went and got a coffee and were planning on just going around for a couple of hours. A couple of hours turned into the entire day! In the process we ended up with Martin in the backseat, after he decided to take the afternoon off, and my sister and niece also after picking them up on the way to a garage sale by their house. We had lunch at our favorite coffee shop, Vagabond Blues, and got a ton of "treasures". It was a successful day of garage sale-ing! Even Calista scored with a few sweaters and shirts, some jewelry, seashell collection, and an authentic mancala game from Guam.
Martin had watched Emeril Live on Friday night and decided to try out the recipe on everyone Saturday night. So everyone convened at our house Saturday night for an awesome mushroom fettucine, greek salad, and bread from Vagabond Blues. It was gone with everyone's first serving!! We all voted on Martin cooking for everyone EVERY Saturday night through the summer :) All the teens crashed at our house for the night, girls went home around midnight.
Sunday was a quiet day. We hung out and got a few things done around the house. Martin spent most of the afternoon doing mending (don't tell his friends ;) . I painted some old folding chairs to spiff them up a little and did a little cleaning.
Monday we had a barbeque with my sister's family and my dad and his wife over at my sister's house. Did a little shopping with my sister in the evening. The teens crashed at our house again. I love that they like to hang out here and am working on a little "snack room" with a microwave and refrigerator and I will stock up with a bunch of junk food for them. They will all be driving in another year and I want this to be "central station".
Saturday my friend, Debbie, picked me up at 8:00 am for some garage sale-ing. We went and got a coffee and were planning on just going around for a couple of hours. A couple of hours turned into the entire day! In the process we ended up with Martin in the backseat, after he decided to take the afternoon off, and my sister and niece also after picking them up on the way to a garage sale by their house. We had lunch at our favorite coffee shop, Vagabond Blues, and got a ton of "treasures". It was a successful day of garage sale-ing! Even Calista scored with a few sweaters and shirts, some jewelry, seashell collection, and an authentic mancala game from Guam.
Martin had watched Emeril Live on Friday night and decided to try out the recipe on everyone Saturday night. So everyone convened at our house Saturday night for an awesome mushroom fettucine, greek salad, and bread from Vagabond Blues. It was gone with everyone's first serving!! We all voted on Martin cooking for everyone EVERY Saturday night through the summer :) All the teens crashed at our house for the night, girls went home around midnight.
Sunday was a quiet day. We hung out and got a few things done around the house. Martin spent most of the afternoon doing mending (don't tell his friends ;) . I painted some old folding chairs to spiff them up a little and did a little cleaning.
Monday we had a barbeque with my sister's family and my dad and his wife over at my sister's house. Did a little shopping with my sister in the evening. The teens crashed at our house again. I love that they like to hang out here and am working on a little "snack room" with a microwave and refrigerator and I will stock up with a bunch of junk food for them. They will all be driving in another year and I want this to be "central station".
Friday, May 25, 2007
My Good Friends
In follow up to yesterday's blog...............................Kind of ironic, well not really because these moments happen every day in my life, but after I blogged yesterday Calista wanted to go to the lake to run Dina around and just enjoy the sunshine. Tristan was happily playing Runescape with one of his good friends so he didn't want to go. Kev was just hanging out, and he has been so busy lately that we haven't really sat down and chit chatted for a couple of weeks ,so I asked if he wanted to go to the lake with us.
It was such a lovely time! Calista ran back and forth with Dina and made some new friends at the lake. Of course, everyone thinks Dina is so cute that she meets all kinds of people coming up to her and asking about her puppy. Kev and I sat on a bench in the sun and had a wonderful conversation. We talked about religion, politics, tattoos, computers, people. We talked about how parents treat their children and how sad some of their tactics are and how lucky we are that we live outside of that norm. I was talking with one of my very best friends!! I just enjoyed our afternoon and was thankful that my children really are my very good friends!
After we got home we made dinner and ate and headed into Anchorage for the premier of Pirates. We met a bunch of his friends and their mom's at the mall and then went to the theatre from there. It was 10:00 when the movie started, it's a three hour movie, and we were in Anchorage (45 min. from home) so you can imagine what time we got home - oh, about 2:20am. It was a good time but I think I missed a bit of the last half because I kept falling asleep.
I just love hanging out with my kids and I really do love my life!!
It was such a lovely time! Calista ran back and forth with Dina and made some new friends at the lake. Of course, everyone thinks Dina is so cute that she meets all kinds of people coming up to her and asking about her puppy. Kev and I sat on a bench in the sun and had a wonderful conversation. We talked about religion, politics, tattoos, computers, people. We talked about how parents treat their children and how sad some of their tactics are and how lucky we are that we live outside of that norm. I was talking with one of my very best friends!! I just enjoyed our afternoon and was thankful that my children really are my very good friends!
After we got home we made dinner and ate and headed into Anchorage for the premier of Pirates. We met a bunch of his friends and their mom's at the mall and then went to the theatre from there. It was 10:00 when the movie started, it's a three hour movie, and we were in Anchorage (45 min. from home) so you can imagine what time we got home - oh, about 2:20am. It was a good time but I think I missed a bit of the last half because I kept falling asleep.
I just love hanging out with my kids and I really do love my life!!
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Respectful Parenting
I've just been noticing lately how unconventional we really are. We have chosen our life, rather than let society choose it for us and I'm noticing more and more how different it really is. On the surface we don't look that different but if you do even shallow digging you will see!
As Kev gets more into his teen years and I hear the clucking around me from other parents with teens I really notice. It amazes me the methods of punishment and coercion that adults use to control their kids. They expect their kids to act like grown ups without treating them like grown ups. Because we hear the voices of society around us that tell us how awful teens are we begin to believe it..............SADLY! Our society really doesn't respect children in general, sometimes it is very subtle but sometimes it is very obvious.
I like to treat my relationship with my children the same I treat any relationship in my life. I wouldn't dream of trying to control my husband and make him into something I want him to be (okay not entirely true, sometimes I am guilty of this :)). The same applies to my children, I let them be who they are, when they need my help I'm ready and willing to give it and when they don't ask for it I try to stay backed off. I'm here to help them work through their own decision making, giving them full control over their bodies and lives. I will step in if it is a safety issue, which usually applies to sibling rivalry and in our house this is definitely an issue. When I feel anger or frustration rising up I try to stop and ask myself, "If this were my husband how would I treat this situation?" If I wouldn't say it or do it to my husband or best friend than I better darn not do it to my children.
If they are behaving in a way that is disrespectful, anger filled, etc. I really TRY to find out what is behind that behavior because there is always a reason, sometimes hidden, for behaving the way they do. Kids don't behave badly just to behave badly, there is something they need that they aren't getting and it is our job as parents to find out what that is. I hate it when I hear parents say that you can't be your children's best friend- that is hogwash!! My whole entire goal is to be my children's best friend, to be their soft place to land, to be the person that they can totally, unbashedly trust.
Are we the perfect family? Absolutely not! Do situations rise up where I don't handle things like I preach? Absolutely! There are times when that voice in my head, from my own childhood, rises up and gets really loud. There are times when I am frustrated with the sibling rivalry and I yank out those tools that were given to me by my own parents. There are times when I am certainly not very respectful towards them. But I am CONSTANTLY doing a check and balance to see where my relationship stands with my children and how I can make it better. So far, so good. Sure we have moments and days that I would like to do over, days where I'm ready to throw in the towel, so to speak, but I always catch my breath and back up - the same way I would if it were my husband or my best friend having a little trouble.
My kids enjoy being around me, they like the person I am and we like to spend time together. Kev doesn't have a problem sharing his life with me and he isn't ashamed of me because I have never given him a reason to. He doesn't rebel because he doesn't have anything to rebel against. Teens rebel because control of their bodies and lives have been stripped from them. If something comes up that I have a concern about we sit and talk about it like civilized adults and share each others opinions on the subject. If I do something that seems arbitrary and unfair I expect the kids to say, "That doesn't make sense to me, can we talk about it?", the same way that they and I would do with any relationship. I don't want my children to blindly obey- that doesn't allow them to learn to think for themselves. I expect them to question, question, question.
It is so sad to me when the kids' friends share things with me and then tell me what they can't tell their mom and dad about it because they would freak out. When they are bringing boyfriends over to meet me because they are too ashamed for them to meet their parents. When they are asking me to do things for them that their parents wouldn't do. I wish that their parents could share those things with them and they didn't feel the need to only share them with me. That their parents could trust them. That they could allow them to BE without judgement or pushing their own agenda on their children.
I think it is really important to support the things they are interested in, passionate about or just plain curious about without any judgement placed. There are things that Kev is interested in, things he does and places he goes that I would not choose for myself but he will figure those things out for himself - that is what childhood is about. I don't expect him to be just like me or have the same belief system that I have. That is not to say that I don't tell him how I feel about certain things but he chooses on his own. But I try to be there with them, walk beside them, lend a helping hand when they need it, and let them be.
Being a mom is awesome, rewarding, and so much fun!!! I wish every parent could have the kind of experience with their child where instead of feeling like, "I can't wait until they start school, etc!!", that they would be saying, "I'm NOT looking forward to the day when they aren't around as much." Kev has decided to go to school full-time this year and I'm sad that I won't see him and be around him every day. I love to hang out with him!! I also realize that this is his life, he is growing into a man, and there might be a day when I hardly see him at all- which is the exact reason that I want to enjoy, REALLY ENJOY, every little moment that I have with them. They are amazing human beings and I have learned WAY more from them than they have from me. They have and are making me a better person.
Anne Ohman said that her son, Jake, demanded that she be the kind of mom that he needed her to be and that she listened. I told her that certainly Tristan was demanding that from me but that I maybe didn't listen as well as she did with Jake. It is my intention to REALLY and TRULY listen to what my kids are telling me, with their words and actions, even sometimes the thoughts that they share with me, and to be the kind of mom that they NEED me to be.
As Kev gets more into his teen years and I hear the clucking around me from other parents with teens I really notice. It amazes me the methods of punishment and coercion that adults use to control their kids. They expect their kids to act like grown ups without treating them like grown ups. Because we hear the voices of society around us that tell us how awful teens are we begin to believe it..............SADLY! Our society really doesn't respect children in general, sometimes it is very subtle but sometimes it is very obvious.
I like to treat my relationship with my children the same I treat any relationship in my life. I wouldn't dream of trying to control my husband and make him into something I want him to be (okay not entirely true, sometimes I am guilty of this :)). The same applies to my children, I let them be who they are, when they need my help I'm ready and willing to give it and when they don't ask for it I try to stay backed off. I'm here to help them work through their own decision making, giving them full control over their bodies and lives. I will step in if it is a safety issue, which usually applies to sibling rivalry and in our house this is definitely an issue. When I feel anger or frustration rising up I try to stop and ask myself, "If this were my husband how would I treat this situation?" If I wouldn't say it or do it to my husband or best friend than I better darn not do it to my children.
If they are behaving in a way that is disrespectful, anger filled, etc. I really TRY to find out what is behind that behavior because there is always a reason, sometimes hidden, for behaving the way they do. Kids don't behave badly just to behave badly, there is something they need that they aren't getting and it is our job as parents to find out what that is. I hate it when I hear parents say that you can't be your children's best friend- that is hogwash!! My whole entire goal is to be my children's best friend, to be their soft place to land, to be the person that they can totally, unbashedly trust.
Are we the perfect family? Absolutely not! Do situations rise up where I don't handle things like I preach? Absolutely! There are times when that voice in my head, from my own childhood, rises up and gets really loud. There are times when I am frustrated with the sibling rivalry and I yank out those tools that were given to me by my own parents. There are times when I am certainly not very respectful towards them. But I am CONSTANTLY doing a check and balance to see where my relationship stands with my children and how I can make it better. So far, so good. Sure we have moments and days that I would like to do over, days where I'm ready to throw in the towel, so to speak, but I always catch my breath and back up - the same way I would if it were my husband or my best friend having a little trouble.
My kids enjoy being around me, they like the person I am and we like to spend time together. Kev doesn't have a problem sharing his life with me and he isn't ashamed of me because I have never given him a reason to. He doesn't rebel because he doesn't have anything to rebel against. Teens rebel because control of their bodies and lives have been stripped from them. If something comes up that I have a concern about we sit and talk about it like civilized adults and share each others opinions on the subject. If I do something that seems arbitrary and unfair I expect the kids to say, "That doesn't make sense to me, can we talk about it?", the same way that they and I would do with any relationship. I don't want my children to blindly obey- that doesn't allow them to learn to think for themselves. I expect them to question, question, question.
It is so sad to me when the kids' friends share things with me and then tell me what they can't tell their mom and dad about it because they would freak out. When they are bringing boyfriends over to meet me because they are too ashamed for them to meet their parents. When they are asking me to do things for them that their parents wouldn't do. I wish that their parents could share those things with them and they didn't feel the need to only share them with me. That their parents could trust them. That they could allow them to BE without judgement or pushing their own agenda on their children.
I think it is really important to support the things they are interested in, passionate about or just plain curious about without any judgement placed. There are things that Kev is interested in, things he does and places he goes that I would not choose for myself but he will figure those things out for himself - that is what childhood is about. I don't expect him to be just like me or have the same belief system that I have. That is not to say that I don't tell him how I feel about certain things but he chooses on his own. But I try to be there with them, walk beside them, lend a helping hand when they need it, and let them be.
Being a mom is awesome, rewarding, and so much fun!!! I wish every parent could have the kind of experience with their child where instead of feeling like, "I can't wait until they start school, etc!!", that they would be saying, "I'm NOT looking forward to the day when they aren't around as much." Kev has decided to go to school full-time this year and I'm sad that I won't see him and be around him every day. I love to hang out with him!! I also realize that this is his life, he is growing into a man, and there might be a day when I hardly see him at all- which is the exact reason that I want to enjoy, REALLY ENJOY, every little moment that I have with them. They are amazing human beings and I have learned WAY more from them than they have from me. They have and are making me a better person.
Anne Ohman said that her son, Jake, demanded that she be the kind of mom that he needed her to be and that she listened. I told her that certainly Tristan was demanding that from me but that I maybe didn't listen as well as she did with Jake. It is my intention to REALLY and TRULY listen to what my kids are telling me, with their words and actions, even sometimes the thoughts that they share with me, and to be the kind of mom that they NEED me to be.
Friday, May 18, 2007
Grandma
I know I already blogged a long blog about how much I miss my mom but I just had to add this, as it was posted by my son, Kev, who was EXTREMELY close to my mom. It made me cry and it is just too sweet to not post and it captures the kind of relationship she had with the kids all too well. And notice, she is reading to him, something she did a LOT of.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Beautiful Day
Regardless of the fact that it was a cloudy, rainy day yesterday it was still a beautiful day!! We did our first Butte hike of the season with my good friend, Tanya, and her daughter, Sarah. It was extremely windy at the top and on the way back down it started raining. We made it to the bottom just before it started pouring. Something we sometimes take for granted here is the incredible beauty that surrounds us. This isn't a perfect place to live but it sure is pretty, even when it is raining!
After the Butte hike we went into Palmer for a coffee at our favorite coffee shop, Vagabond Blues.
Tanya and I have decided that we are going to try out or go somewhere new every week this summer. I've lived in Wasilla for five years and have yet to see and do so much. I drive by places that I want to go to and never do, so this is the summer for trying new things! One of the things we are going to do is fossil hunting, I'm really looking forward to that.
I've officially signed up for the 60 day challenge at the yoga studio that I go to. To fulfill the challenge I must go to five classes a week for six weeks. I'm on my second week, with one more class to go to this week. I'm feeling so many changes happening to not only my body, but in every area of my life, including my spirituality. I really look forward to my classes every day and my family is being incredibly supportive of my being gone for two hours every day. My kids see how important it is and they sometimes even remind me about yoga class.
Sunday, May 13, 2007
Dear Mom
Dear Mom,
Today is Mothers Day. It's tough to watch people buying cards for their mom's, taking their mom's out to lunch, and just generally having a special day with the woman that brought them into this life. I ache because I would give anything to be able to buy you a card today or take you out to a nice lunch, or just be able to give you a hug today. Days like today bring the grief to the surface once again and oh, how it makes me miss you.
The things I miss about you..............................the list is long. Probably the thing I miss the most is the relationship you had with my kids. The storytelling - no one can tell a story quite like you can, especially The Wide Mouth Frog; just seeing your mouth opening wide, singing away "Oh, I'm a wide mouth frog, I'm a wide mouth frog" and hearing the fits of giggles from the kids. The rain walks- it was much too cold for me to go on those rain walks but not for you. On went the boots and coats and off you would go hand-in-hand with the kids and, despite the boots and coats, you would come back soaking wet, the joy just dripping off of you. The holidays- every holiday was worth celebrating big. Don't you know I just can't live up to that? And it was just so much fun for you. Every holiday the kids still tell me, "It just isn't the same without Grandma Cheryl."
I miss that you loved the kids unconditionally, just as they are- perfectly imperfect. You didn't place judgement, rather, you just loved them, really loved them. You lived for those moments you could spend with them. You saw them every day yet every day it seemed like it was the first day you had seen them for months. They felt SUPER special in your presence, something that no one else has quite been able to do. I miss you driving into the driveway, yelling out your window, "Who wants to come to Fred Meyers with me?" Not because you needed us to come with you but just because you liked to be with us. And, I hated it then, but I miss having you beg me not to move because you just couldn't live without the kids- "It's what keeps me living" you would say. It made me feel guilty for wanting to move back then but I would love to hear you say that now.
I miss our trips to Hawaii- those trips will never be quite the same. I miss going out to Busby with you, having the kids snuggle in your arms to the rocking of the boat, walking around the island and finding all kinds of treasures. I miss going into the library and seeing your happy, smiling face as you took the kids by the hand and trapsed all over the offices "showing off" your grandkids, as if they were the only ones in the world.
I sometimes will hear people complain about their moms and think, "Don't they know that today is all they have, that they might not have tomorrow?" What I would do for a little more time with you. I haven't always liked you, you weren't always a good mom. But I loved the woman that you grew to be; teaching me to let go of things that just really aren't important, to stop and smell the roses (literally), to really live life as if it is our last day. And I LOVED the kind of grandmother you were - it has left a huge void that we cannot quite figure out how to fill.
I REALLY miss YOU mom!! Happy Mothers Day!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ For those of you who did not know my Mother, I am leaving you with this article that was printed in the Fairbanks Daily News one week after her death. I think it gives you a glimpse of what kind of woman my mother was and the magic she left behind. The man who wrote this knew my mother and his children were some of the many children that were touched by her magic. So here it is:
Librarian who died after long cancer battle never lost childlike awe
Published February 10, 2002 Article ID: 1355209 Section: Unknown
By Dermot Cole
IT JUST SO HAPPENED that I found myself seated next to a young family of four Saturday afternoon during the memorial service for Cheryl Bidwell at the Princess Hotel. The dad, wearing an Air Force uniform, kept watch over a squirming toddler while the mom held an active baby who repeatedly arched his back and appeared to be on the verge of walking.
I noticed the dad's black dress shoes captivated the toddler, who was seated on the floor between his dad's knees, a position in which he could vigorously push his dad's shoes back and forth, perhaps controlling an imaginary airplane. The boy may not have had any toys at that moment, but he had shoes to play with.
This played out near the back of the Edgewater Room in a crowd of about 375. I mention this only because something was said during the service that made me think Cheryl would have appreciated what the little boy was doing with his dad's shoes on this occasion.
After learning a lot from her six children, Cheryl enrolled in college when she was 40 to earn a degree in early childhood development. Among the many quotes and favorite sayings of hers that were repeated Saturday, one of the best was from an essay Cheryl had written for her freshman English 111 class about boredom, enthusiasm and happiness.
"Awareness is a unique vision, a peculiar elephant-in-the-clouds way of looking at things that small children possess," she said.
"My young son continually finds some treasure others have missed, a beautiful shell, a novel rock or lost dimes."
"'Tim, how do you always find such neat things?' I inquired once. His cryptic reply was, 'I look."'
"How many of us adults really look at and appreciate the marvels all around us? How many of us really notice sunshine on the kitchen floor, the rainbow on a puddle, the cockiness of a little bird on the lawn or beauty in rich, shiny brown mud? Part of this ability to really see and be aware of life comes from children's relationship to the present--it's all they have. In their minds, yesterday ceases to be important when gone and tomorrow can seem as far away as forever. Today is unparalleled. Adults who retain this way of perceiving life find in each day some discovery or blessing."
Those who knew Cheryl Bidwell will tell you that she found some discovery or blessing each day, even while she struggled for 12 years with cancer. She once said that if she had to do it all over again, she would accept the cancer because of what it taught her.
Before her death, 32 family members gathered in her hospital room and she had a message for them as she gripped each one's hand in turn. Her brother Dan said she was concerned not for herself, but for her loved ones because she had to leave them behind.
Cheryl was among those people who grow up and manage to hold onto that childlike enthusiasm, always seeing that elephant in the clouds. I think that's one of the reasons she was a wonderful children's librarian. Cheryl kept going in spite of her illness, continuing a job she loved because she loved people and books.
She worked in the Berry Room at the Noel Wien Library for the last 11 years. There are hundreds or even thousands of young families who benefited from her encyclopedic knowledge of children's literature and her ability to tell a tale.
If you walked in there, the chances of seeing her smiling were about the same as the chances of seeing books.
She would sing with gusto with the 3-year-olds and more than a few people thought she was the "Mother Moose" of storytime.
She was a valuable actress in the library's "Mystery Night" productions, even when she had to do it in a wheelchair.
One of the last projects Cheryl worked on at the library was the proposal for a Story Garden to be built outside the windows of the Berry Room.
A lot of people have suggested that it should be the "Cheryl Bidwell Memorial Story Garden," because it was her idea.
I hope Cheryl's garden is a place where people can see the rainbow in the puddle, the cockiness of a little bird on the lawn and the beauty of rich, shiny, brown mud.
A few months ago, when Sue Sherif retired from the library after 20 years of service to the children of Fairbanks to take a job in Anchorage, members of the library staff prepared a book for her filled with remembrances and good wishes.
The page that Cheryl included featured a quotation from "Jeremy Thatcher, Dragon Hatcher," a book by Bruce Coville. I see now that she meant the quotation to apply not only to her friend's move to Anchorage, but also to Cheryl's own leave-taking, because she knew it was going to happen before long.
The book is about Jeremy, the smallest kid in the sixth grade, who ends up caring for a dragon named Tiamat for a little while. When it comes time for the dragon to return to the dragon world, Jeremy tells Miss Priest, the children's librarian, that he loves Tiamat and doesn't want her to leave. He can't stand the idea of losing her.
The quote Cheryl placed in the book for Sue continued:
"Miss Priest reached out and took his chin in her hand. She looked into his eyes. 'You silly boy,' she said. 'Nothing you love is lost. Not really. Things, people--they always go away, sooner or later. You can't hold them, any more than you can hold moonlight. But if they've touched you, it they're inside you, then they're still yours. The only things you ever really have are the ones you hold inside your heart."
© Fairbanks Daily News-Miner. All rights reserved. Reproduced with the permission of Fairbanks Daily News-Miner by NewsBank, Inc.
Today is Mothers Day. It's tough to watch people buying cards for their mom's, taking their mom's out to lunch, and just generally having a special day with the woman that brought them into this life. I ache because I would give anything to be able to buy you a card today or take you out to a nice lunch, or just be able to give you a hug today. Days like today bring the grief to the surface once again and oh, how it makes me miss you.
The things I miss about you..............................the list is long. Probably the thing I miss the most is the relationship you had with my kids. The storytelling - no one can tell a story quite like you can, especially The Wide Mouth Frog; just seeing your mouth opening wide, singing away "Oh, I'm a wide mouth frog, I'm a wide mouth frog" and hearing the fits of giggles from the kids. The rain walks- it was much too cold for me to go on those rain walks but not for you. On went the boots and coats and off you would go hand-in-hand with the kids and, despite the boots and coats, you would come back soaking wet, the joy just dripping off of you. The holidays- every holiday was worth celebrating big. Don't you know I just can't live up to that? And it was just so much fun for you. Every holiday the kids still tell me, "It just isn't the same without Grandma Cheryl."
I miss that you loved the kids unconditionally, just as they are- perfectly imperfect. You didn't place judgement, rather, you just loved them, really loved them. You lived for those moments you could spend with them. You saw them every day yet every day it seemed like it was the first day you had seen them for months. They felt SUPER special in your presence, something that no one else has quite been able to do. I miss you driving into the driveway, yelling out your window, "Who wants to come to Fred Meyers with me?" Not because you needed us to come with you but just because you liked to be with us. And, I hated it then, but I miss having you beg me not to move because you just couldn't live without the kids- "It's what keeps me living" you would say. It made me feel guilty for wanting to move back then but I would love to hear you say that now.
I miss our trips to Hawaii- those trips will never be quite the same. I miss going out to Busby with you, having the kids snuggle in your arms to the rocking of the boat, walking around the island and finding all kinds of treasures. I miss going into the library and seeing your happy, smiling face as you took the kids by the hand and trapsed all over the offices "showing off" your grandkids, as if they were the only ones in the world.
I sometimes will hear people complain about their moms and think, "Don't they know that today is all they have, that they might not have tomorrow?" What I would do for a little more time with you. I haven't always liked you, you weren't always a good mom. But I loved the woman that you grew to be; teaching me to let go of things that just really aren't important, to stop and smell the roses (literally), to really live life as if it is our last day. And I LOVED the kind of grandmother you were - it has left a huge void that we cannot quite figure out how to fill.
I REALLY miss YOU mom!! Happy Mothers Day!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ For those of you who did not know my Mother, I am leaving you with this article that was printed in the Fairbanks Daily News one week after her death. I think it gives you a glimpse of what kind of woman my mother was and the magic she left behind. The man who wrote this knew my mother and his children were some of the many children that were touched by her magic. So here it is:
Librarian who died after long cancer battle never lost childlike awe
Published February 10, 2002 Article ID: 1355209 Section: Unknown
By Dermot Cole
IT JUST SO HAPPENED that I found myself seated next to a young family of four Saturday afternoon during the memorial service for Cheryl Bidwell at the Princess Hotel. The dad, wearing an Air Force uniform, kept watch over a squirming toddler while the mom held an active baby who repeatedly arched his back and appeared to be on the verge of walking.
I noticed the dad's black dress shoes captivated the toddler, who was seated on the floor between his dad's knees, a position in which he could vigorously push his dad's shoes back and forth, perhaps controlling an imaginary airplane. The boy may not have had any toys at that moment, but he had shoes to play with.
This played out near the back of the Edgewater Room in a crowd of about 375. I mention this only because something was said during the service that made me think Cheryl would have appreciated what the little boy was doing with his dad's shoes on this occasion.
After learning a lot from her six children, Cheryl enrolled in college when she was 40 to earn a degree in early childhood development. Among the many quotes and favorite sayings of hers that were repeated Saturday, one of the best was from an essay Cheryl had written for her freshman English 111 class about boredom, enthusiasm and happiness.
"Awareness is a unique vision, a peculiar elephant-in-the-clouds way of looking at things that small children possess," she said.
"My young son continually finds some treasure others have missed, a beautiful shell, a novel rock or lost dimes."
"'Tim, how do you always find such neat things?' I inquired once. His cryptic reply was, 'I look."'
"How many of us adults really look at and appreciate the marvels all around us? How many of us really notice sunshine on the kitchen floor, the rainbow on a puddle, the cockiness of a little bird on the lawn or beauty in rich, shiny brown mud? Part of this ability to really see and be aware of life comes from children's relationship to the present--it's all they have. In their minds, yesterday ceases to be important when gone and tomorrow can seem as far away as forever. Today is unparalleled. Adults who retain this way of perceiving life find in each day some discovery or blessing."
Those who knew Cheryl Bidwell will tell you that she found some discovery or blessing each day, even while she struggled for 12 years with cancer. She once said that if she had to do it all over again, she would accept the cancer because of what it taught her.
Before her death, 32 family members gathered in her hospital room and she had a message for them as she gripped each one's hand in turn. Her brother Dan said she was concerned not for herself, but for her loved ones because she had to leave them behind.
Cheryl was among those people who grow up and manage to hold onto that childlike enthusiasm, always seeing that elephant in the clouds. I think that's one of the reasons she was a wonderful children's librarian. Cheryl kept going in spite of her illness, continuing a job she loved because she loved people and books.
She worked in the Berry Room at the Noel Wien Library for the last 11 years. There are hundreds or even thousands of young families who benefited from her encyclopedic knowledge of children's literature and her ability to tell a tale.
If you walked in there, the chances of seeing her smiling were about the same as the chances of seeing books.
She would sing with gusto with the 3-year-olds and more than a few people thought she was the "Mother Moose" of storytime.
She was a valuable actress in the library's "Mystery Night" productions, even when she had to do it in a wheelchair.
One of the last projects Cheryl worked on at the library was the proposal for a Story Garden to be built outside the windows of the Berry Room.
A lot of people have suggested that it should be the "Cheryl Bidwell Memorial Story Garden," because it was her idea.
I hope Cheryl's garden is a place where people can see the rainbow in the puddle, the cockiness of a little bird on the lawn and the beauty of rich, shiny, brown mud.
A few months ago, when Sue Sherif retired from the library after 20 years of service to the children of Fairbanks to take a job in Anchorage, members of the library staff prepared a book for her filled with remembrances and good wishes.
The page that Cheryl included featured a quotation from "Jeremy Thatcher, Dragon Hatcher," a book by Bruce Coville. I see now that she meant the quotation to apply not only to her friend's move to Anchorage, but also to Cheryl's own leave-taking, because she knew it was going to happen before long.
The book is about Jeremy, the smallest kid in the sixth grade, who ends up caring for a dragon named Tiamat for a little while. When it comes time for the dragon to return to the dragon world, Jeremy tells Miss Priest, the children's librarian, that he loves Tiamat and doesn't want her to leave. He can't stand the idea of losing her.
The quote Cheryl placed in the book for Sue continued:
"Miss Priest reached out and took his chin in her hand. She looked into his eyes. 'You silly boy,' she said. 'Nothing you love is lost. Not really. Things, people--they always go away, sooner or later. You can't hold them, any more than you can hold moonlight. But if they've touched you, it they're inside you, then they're still yours. The only things you ever really have are the ones you hold inside your heart."
© Fairbanks Daily News-Miner. All rights reserved. Reproduced with the permission of Fairbanks Daily News-Miner by NewsBank, Inc.
The Cheryl Bidwell Story Garden
And some of the pictures of the garden that did get built and was named in honor of my mother. This was her vision and I think she would be very happy with how it turned out. To me, it looks just like what I heard her talk about when she first dreamed it up. The wheel looking thing is actually a pizza garden but was not yet in full bloom. This is a place where kids can hang out, climb, read books and dream. There are other things in the garden that I did not get pictures of.
The last two pictures are of my mothers grave. I love the saying on the gravestone - one of her favorites.
nap
Calista and Rylee wore themselves out this week and decided to take a little rest, after I first went through a meditation with them. I have these children meditation books that Calista loves to do while she is settling down for bed at night. I could tell that Rylee was just wore out on Tues. so I asked her if she would like to do one of the meditations. She was asleep before I even finished and Dina (our new puppy)curled up with them and took a nap too. I love watching sleeping children! Dina looks bigger in the picture but she is actually only 11 lbs and she won't get much bigger than that, probably around 15 lbs.
Choir
Kevin sings in a wonderful choir concert last night. 2 1/2 hours of singing. It amazes me what these kids memorize and they are unbelievable! What a fun concert this was. If you are wondering what they are doing with their hands, they did a song in sign language. My camera doesn't do very well with the lighting...oh well.
Ogres
Calista and her friend Haley have Ogres on their minds, with the new Shrek movie just coming out.
Thursday, May 10, 2007
I'm having trouble blogging the last couple of weeks because it just seems there is not a lot to share lately. We are just going about our daily business as usual, nothing too profound or exciting.
I have been going to yoga every week day and am getting to the point where I crave it every day. I've mostly been doing Bikraam, which is done in a heated room - usually around 105 degrees. My skin has really opened up and I really sweat during class. I sweat so much that it certainly doesn't seem like it is that hot most of the time. My Friday class was 114 degrees and that was hot! I made it through the entire class though - 1 1/2 hours. I'm definitely toning up, feel a LOT more energetic, and am feeling myself coming into alignment. I have had trouble with my hip/shoulder alignment for quite a few years and I am finally starting to feel a difference.
Kevin is into the spring choir performances, so for the next week and a half he has two school tours (down to one now because we did one yesterday), two dress rehearsals, and three concerts. They may do a tour up to Fairbanks in a few weeks too and then he will be done for the summer. Him and his friend, Sara, are starting to do lap swimming at the pool to get back in shape for this fall. He has decided to swim competitively again. We are excited about that because he was pretty good and somewhere along the line lost his passion for it. We really enjoyed watching him so it will be fun to see how he does with it now, especially since his body has gone through so many changes in the last two years.
Tristan started the second puppy class with Dante. Since Dante is a little "ADD" we decided to just put him in the class and apply what we learn with the other dogs, at home.
The weather is ever so slowly warming up. We have had a few days at 60 degrees but nothing warmer than that yet. The last few days have been filled with rain and hail but the sun is trying to peak through today. The kids enjoy being outdoors, even if it isn't real warm. Just to have no snow is a big deal for them. I'm looking forward to a little warmer weather so I can go hiking. I have some good hikes planned for this summer and I am ready to get started. If all works out Martin and I will hike Pioneers Peak this fall; a very long, challenging hike for us. I don't know if Martin's hip is going to hold up though. He has arthritis in his hip, which is degenerating and giving him fits lately. We are looking at a hip replacement within the next few years but are trying to wait it out, as the technology is getting better and better.
I have been going to yoga every week day and am getting to the point where I crave it every day. I've mostly been doing Bikraam, which is done in a heated room - usually around 105 degrees. My skin has really opened up and I really sweat during class. I sweat so much that it certainly doesn't seem like it is that hot most of the time. My Friday class was 114 degrees and that was hot! I made it through the entire class though - 1 1/2 hours. I'm definitely toning up, feel a LOT more energetic, and am feeling myself coming into alignment. I have had trouble with my hip/shoulder alignment for quite a few years and I am finally starting to feel a difference.
Kevin is into the spring choir performances, so for the next week and a half he has two school tours (down to one now because we did one yesterday), two dress rehearsals, and three concerts. They may do a tour up to Fairbanks in a few weeks too and then he will be done for the summer. Him and his friend, Sara, are starting to do lap swimming at the pool to get back in shape for this fall. He has decided to swim competitively again. We are excited about that because he was pretty good and somewhere along the line lost his passion for it. We really enjoyed watching him so it will be fun to see how he does with it now, especially since his body has gone through so many changes in the last two years.
Tristan started the second puppy class with Dante. Since Dante is a little "ADD" we decided to just put him in the class and apply what we learn with the other dogs, at home.
The weather is ever so slowly warming up. We have had a few days at 60 degrees but nothing warmer than that yet. The last few days have been filled with rain and hail but the sun is trying to peak through today. The kids enjoy being outdoors, even if it isn't real warm. Just to have no snow is a big deal for them. I'm looking forward to a little warmer weather so I can go hiking. I have some good hikes planned for this summer and I am ready to get started. If all works out Martin and I will hike Pioneers Peak this fall; a very long, challenging hike for us. I don't know if Martin's hip is going to hold up though. He has arthritis in his hip, which is degenerating and giving him fits lately. We are looking at a hip replacement within the next few years but are trying to wait it out, as the technology is getting better and better.
Saturday, May 05, 2007
Regular Joker
Tristan was cracking me up tonight. We were at my sister's having dinner and we looked out the window and Tristan was laying down beside the road, like he was hit by a car or something. He would wait until a car would pull up to see if something was wrong and then jump up and say "Rah!". It seems most people had a good sense of humor and got a good laugh out of it.
Next I know he is waving cars down and asking them if they wanted to donate to the "Tristan wants a PSP3 foundation". I thought he was crossing the line there and asked him to stop but, again, it seems everyone but me had a good sense of humor because they were all laughing.
Every time a car would continue on Tristan was rolling on the ground laughing hysterically. The things they will do to entertain themselves. Apparently, strolling Rylee down the street didn't sound like fun tonight and he let the girls do there thing and he did his, lol.
Next I know he is waving cars down and asking them if they wanted to donate to the "Tristan wants a PSP3 foundation". I thought he was crossing the line there and asked him to stop but, again, it seems everyone but me had a good sense of humor because they were all laughing.
Every time a car would continue on Tristan was rolling on the ground laughing hysterically. The things they will do to entertain themselves. Apparently, strolling Rylee down the street didn't sound like fun tonight and he let the girls do there thing and he did his, lol.
Friday, May 04, 2007
16 Years!!
Yesterday was our 16 year anniversary! Hard to believe it's been 16 years already, 16 pretty good years too!! In a little less than three years I will have been a Snavley longer than I was a Bidwell.
I haven't been blogging too much lately. I go through spurts and have been more busy than usual these last few weeks. I have been keeping it all balanced with an extra dose of yoga. I committed to doing yoga every day in the month of May, and it even rhymes! The yoga studio is closed on Sunday so I won't be doing that day and when we volunteer at the Dog Rescue I can't do Saturday but Mon-Fri I will be going every day. It really energizes me and helps me stay in that Zen mode, it's quite addicting really. It is also helping my alignment quite a bit and hopefully it will eventually take away some of my TMJ pain.
This was from Scott Noelles Daily Groove the other day and I think it is well worth passing on:
:: The Trickle-Down Theory of Human Kindness ::
In peaceful "primitive" cultures, kindness is sustained from generation to generation by a kind of "trickle-down" effect. At its core is the commonly held value of serving and delighting younger people, especially babies.
Adults appreciate and support the delight of adolescents, who delight in the joy of prepubescents, who enjoy entertaining younger children, who love to carry babies and play with toddlers.
The elegance of this top-down, pleasure-oriented value system is that the youngest people receive the most (and give the least) at the developmental stage when they're naturally narcissistic, while those who give more are more adept at deriving joy from giving.
In contrast...
Adults in our culture often *fear* adolescents, who call prepubescents "dweebs," who disparagingly call younger children "babies," who compete with real babies for scarce love and attention. When your children behave unkindly, remember that you can't enforce authentic kindness. Instead, let it trickle down by *modeling* unconditional generosity.Using your creativity, find a way to serve and delight both "aggressor" and "victim" ...and yourself, too!
http://dailygroove.net/trickle-down
I haven't been blogging too much lately. I go through spurts and have been more busy than usual these last few weeks. I have been keeping it all balanced with an extra dose of yoga. I committed to doing yoga every day in the month of May, and it even rhymes! The yoga studio is closed on Sunday so I won't be doing that day and when we volunteer at the Dog Rescue I can't do Saturday but Mon-Fri I will be going every day. It really energizes me and helps me stay in that Zen mode, it's quite addicting really. It is also helping my alignment quite a bit and hopefully it will eventually take away some of my TMJ pain.
This was from Scott Noelles Daily Groove the other day and I think it is well worth passing on:
:: The Trickle-Down Theory of Human Kindness ::
In peaceful "primitive" cultures, kindness is sustained from generation to generation by a kind of "trickle-down" effect. At its core is the commonly held value of serving and delighting younger people, especially babies.
Adults appreciate and support the delight of adolescents, who delight in the joy of prepubescents, who enjoy entertaining younger children, who love to carry babies and play with toddlers.
The elegance of this top-down, pleasure-oriented value system is that the youngest people receive the most (and give the least) at the developmental stage when they're naturally narcissistic, while those who give more are more adept at deriving joy from giving.
In contrast...
Adults in our culture often *fear* adolescents, who call prepubescents "dweebs," who disparagingly call younger children "babies," who compete with real babies for scarce love and attention. When your children behave unkindly, remember that you can't enforce authentic kindness. Instead, let it trickle down by *modeling* unconditional generosity.Using your creativity, find a way to serve and delight both "aggressor" and "victim" ...and yourself, too!
http://dailygroove.net/trickle-down
Thursday, April 26, 2007
Turn off school week
This was posted by my sister, Ren, on her blog. I just had to re-post it, I just thought it was really good!! Sorry, Ren, for being a copycat, you just say it so well.
"You know all about "turn off tv week" right? How mainstream America seems to think this is a grand idea and everyone thinks it's so positive to limit a child's access to something in yet another coercive manner.I looked at the points being made and couldn't help but replace the word "tv" with "school". So here ya go:
School cuts into family time, harms our children's ability to read and succeed in life, and contributes to unhealthy lifestyles and obesity.
Here are just a few of the facts:On average, children in the US will spend more time in school, than interacting in their families and community this year.
Americans frequently or always let school interfere with family time and true, rich connections with their passions.
As Anne Ohman, unschooling advocate says, "Real, natural learning is in the living. It's in the observing, the questioning, the examining, the pondering, the analyzing, the watching, the reading, the DO-ing, the living, the breathing, the loving, the JOY. It's in the joy."
Who Participates?Anyone and everyone. Millions of people all over the world have participated in School-Turnoff Week since it began in 1995. Children and adults, rich and poor - people from every background and all walks of life - take part through schools, churches, or community groups, as families or individuals.
What's So Great about School-Turnoff Week? Turning off school gives us a chance to think, read, create, and do. To connect with our families and engage in our communities. To turn off School and turn on life.So turn off your school, turn off that schooled mentality and LIVE!! I proclaim next week, school turn-off week. Maybe after a week of living without school, a month or a year or a lifetime of it will seem completely natural.:) But hey, then you'd be an unschooler. Cool!"
Ironically, my son, Kev, has decided he is going to highschool full-time next year after being an unschooler his entire life. I've struggled, inside, trying to figure out why he would want to since he has the freedom to pursue anything he wants outside of school. I've already mentioned on this blog that a lot of it has to do with curiosity. I'm beginning to see other reasons emerge, and it is really neat to see his perspective on it. For him, it is a tool, simple as that. It is not an end-all, be-all where grades and fitting in with your peers are important. He sees things there that fit in with some of the things that he wants to do and has decided to use those things to his advantage. He knows if he doesn't care for it that he can walk away at any time so there isn't that same pressure there that most kids have to contend with.
The difficult thing now, for me and the rest of the family to deal with, is that it is messing with our lifestyle. We no longer have the freedom to come and go when we please, and have the schedule of our choosing so it is going to be an adjustment. In real life, even if you have an 8-5 job you still get to choose when you take your vacation time. With school, that is not an option..........they tell you when you can take vacation and when you can't. Ohhhh, even typing that is painful, that box again- it is suffocating!
"You know all about "turn off tv week" right? How mainstream America seems to think this is a grand idea and everyone thinks it's so positive to limit a child's access to something in yet another coercive manner.I looked at the points being made and couldn't help but replace the word "tv" with "school". So here ya go:
School cuts into family time, harms our children's ability to read and succeed in life, and contributes to unhealthy lifestyles and obesity.
Here are just a few of the facts:On average, children in the US will spend more time in school, than interacting in their families and community this year.
Americans frequently or always let school interfere with family time and true, rich connections with their passions.
As Anne Ohman, unschooling advocate says, "Real, natural learning is in the living. It's in the observing, the questioning, the examining, the pondering, the analyzing, the watching, the reading, the DO-ing, the living, the breathing, the loving, the JOY. It's in the joy."
Who Participates?Anyone and everyone. Millions of people all over the world have participated in School-Turnoff Week since it began in 1995. Children and adults, rich and poor - people from every background and all walks of life - take part through schools, churches, or community groups, as families or individuals.
What's So Great about School-Turnoff Week? Turning off school gives us a chance to think, read, create, and do. To connect with our families and engage in our communities. To turn off School and turn on life.So turn off your school, turn off that schooled mentality and LIVE!! I proclaim next week, school turn-off week. Maybe after a week of living without school, a month or a year or a lifetime of it will seem completely natural.:) But hey, then you'd be an unschooler. Cool!"
Ironically, my son, Kev, has decided he is going to highschool full-time next year after being an unschooler his entire life. I've struggled, inside, trying to figure out why he would want to since he has the freedom to pursue anything he wants outside of school. I've already mentioned on this blog that a lot of it has to do with curiosity. I'm beginning to see other reasons emerge, and it is really neat to see his perspective on it. For him, it is a tool, simple as that. It is not an end-all, be-all where grades and fitting in with your peers are important. He sees things there that fit in with some of the things that he wants to do and has decided to use those things to his advantage. He knows if he doesn't care for it that he can walk away at any time so there isn't that same pressure there that most kids have to contend with.
The difficult thing now, for me and the rest of the family to deal with, is that it is messing with our lifestyle. We no longer have the freedom to come and go when we please, and have the schedule of our choosing so it is going to be an adjustment. In real life, even if you have an 8-5 job you still get to choose when you take your vacation time. With school, that is not an option..........they tell you when you can take vacation and when you can't. Ohhhh, even typing that is painful, that box again- it is suffocating!
Sunday, April 22, 2007
Busy Weekend
Yesterday was fun, exciting, depressing, and exhausting all-in-one. We volunteered at the Alaska Dog and Puppy Rescue clinic again yesterday. There were 24 puppies to be adopted! It is a little depressing how many puppies there are that get abandoned every week. There are actually a total of 51 puppies right now that need good homes. The sad thing was that only 8 found good homes yesterday.
They were short on foster homes so we went ahead and took two home with us for the week. So we have five dogs in our house right now. The two new puppies we set up downstairs in an empty room in the house that will one day be my laundry room. It has no flooring yet, just cement, so it works good. We have a pen set up with newspaper so it isn't too hard. We take them out once in a while and give them attention here and there but they entertain themselves pretty well so it hasn't seemed like too huge a task yet.
My sister and I took my dad out for dinner on Friday, as planned, and then my sister and I went to Barnes and Noble for a while. It was a very nice evening out for me!
So the pictures are some from our week. Adorable ones of our dogs (we have a million pictures of them), whom have become center entertainment in our house. The one of Calista is of her SLEEPING, yes sound asleep, on our way back in from town yesterday. The dog clinic pooped us all out! The other one is of my dad's wife, my dad, my sister, and me.
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
This week
This week has been fairly uneventful. The kids are enjoying the warmer weather and you can usually find Tristan rollerblading up and down the street. Although, today it is only about 40 degrees and cloudy. The Honglso kids spent the night on Monday night. The kids had a blast but stayed up most of the night and then woke up early so they were pretty wiped out on Tuesday. Both Tristan and Calista took naps and went to bed earlier than usual.
I've been trying to get as much physical activity as I can also; doing yoga still, joined the running team and meet with them on Tues. nights with trail runs on Thursday evenings. I've also been trying to walk the dogs at night so they get enough exercise too. I went rollerblading with Tristan once but would like to include that in my daily routine. I love rollerblading and so does the rest of the family so it is a good thing we can all do together. Kev needs new ones though because his feet have grown about 4 whole sizes since we bought his.
We have several house projects looming over us, hard to know where to start and what needs to take priority. Martin and I are ready to finish up the main things, sell the house and build a tiny, energy efficient house but our kids are really needing the security of knowing we are going to stay put for a while and they enjoy having a little more space so we will stay put for a while. When we bought the house I don't think we were as aware as we should have been of the maintenance on an older home. I love my house though so onward we go.
Martin is still tremendously enjoying his job. Still pending and closing things weekly so we are doing great that way. Still hard for me to get used to not knowing when they next paycheck is coming, hard to budget month to month. I don't often spend frivilously anymore so I guess that is a good thing.
Tonight Robin (my sister) and I are taking my Dad and Stepmom out to dinner for my Dad's birthday, which was last week. We are going to Simon and Seaforts, in Anchorage; a great steak and seafood restaurant. I know, I know, why would a vegetarian be excited about a seafood restaurant? Well, it is my dad's birthday, not mine, and they actually have a few good vegetarian dishes. I can't believe my dad is 64!! It makes me feel old :) My kids told me last night that you don't start getting old until you turn 40 (I've got a little over 5 years) and that you ARE old at 50.......................well! I asked them if they thought my good friend, Sheli, was getting old and they said no. I told them that she is 41. "She's 41?", Calista asked. "Well, she isn't old." Phewww! Sheli, you are safe!
I've been trying to get as much physical activity as I can also; doing yoga still, joined the running team and meet with them on Tues. nights with trail runs on Thursday evenings. I've also been trying to walk the dogs at night so they get enough exercise too. I went rollerblading with Tristan once but would like to include that in my daily routine. I love rollerblading and so does the rest of the family so it is a good thing we can all do together. Kev needs new ones though because his feet have grown about 4 whole sizes since we bought his.
We have several house projects looming over us, hard to know where to start and what needs to take priority. Martin and I are ready to finish up the main things, sell the house and build a tiny, energy efficient house but our kids are really needing the security of knowing we are going to stay put for a while and they enjoy having a little more space so we will stay put for a while. When we bought the house I don't think we were as aware as we should have been of the maintenance on an older home. I love my house though so onward we go.
Martin is still tremendously enjoying his job. Still pending and closing things weekly so we are doing great that way. Still hard for me to get used to not knowing when they next paycheck is coming, hard to budget month to month. I don't often spend frivilously anymore so I guess that is a good thing.
Tonight Robin (my sister) and I are taking my Dad and Stepmom out to dinner for my Dad's birthday, which was last week. We are going to Simon and Seaforts, in Anchorage; a great steak and seafood restaurant. I know, I know, why would a vegetarian be excited about a seafood restaurant? Well, it is my dad's birthday, not mine, and they actually have a few good vegetarian dishes. I can't believe my dad is 64!! It makes me feel old :) My kids told me last night that you don't start getting old until you turn 40 (I've got a little over 5 years) and that you ARE old at 50.......................well! I asked them if they thought my good friend, Sheli, was getting old and they said no. I told them that she is 41. "She's 41?", Calista asked. "Well, she isn't old." Phewww! Sheli, you are safe!
Friday, April 13, 2007
Tattoo
I got a tattoo yesterday - a beautiful butterfly. I have been thinking about it for a while now and it has a lot of meaning to me.
These last few years my life has been through so many changes, all for the good. Not too many years ago I lived under the fear of religious legalism; always trying to live up to something and never quite measuring up, constantly worried about what others thought of me and trying to be what others wanted me to be (or at least what I thought they wanted me to be) and in the process learning to place judgement. I didn't really like myself because I was more concerned with making sure that other people liked me and that I "fit in". Two years ago I probably wouldn't even have gotten this tattoo simply because of what I feared others would think. I had gotten so lost that I didn't even know who I was anymore, didn't understand the unique purpose that God had created me for in the first place. I was trying to live "societal norms" that I didn't agree with but had somehow made an agreement with. I hadn't learned to think for myself because I was somehow okay letting what others think be my own thoughts and opinions. I was discontent with my life.
I now no longer live in fear, or at least am very aware when I begin to. I no longer worry about what others think of me because it really doesn't matter. God loves me unconditionally; I'm perfectly imperfect and I'm good with that. I've learned not to pass judgement, not COMPLETELY but off to a good start, letting others be who they are too, albeit different than me. I know who I am now, know the purpose that God birthed me into this world for. I know and embrace my unique gifts; they are my unique gifts, not others, and I don't expect people to always understand and like me from every angle. I certainly am no longer worried about "societal norms"; I can think for myself, thank you very much, and a lot of what society does just simply doesn't make sense to me and I refuse to make agreement with it. I am very content with my life, I have SO much to be thankful for. I have been blessed in ways I cannot begin to understand and I really like where I am at. And above all else, I have learned to love ME, and because of that it has allowed me to unconditionally love others. There are still lots of ways in which I can grow but I feel good where I am going. I am like that caterpillar, turned into a beautiful butterfly!
The thing even more ironic is that it all started with my mothers death; an experience that was so difficult that I am still grieving in ways I didn't expect, but, on the other hand, so many good things have come out of that experience for me that wouldn't have happened had she not passed away. I've learned to appreciate the difficult experiences that bring me closer to who I am supposed to be.
And every morning when I step in the shower, I will turn and look into the mirror, and when I see that butterfly sitting on my shoulder I will be reminded that today is a "do-over", a fresh start, a new beginning, and I will choose to give thanks for the beauty all around me; the beauty in me, in those that I love, in those that I don't care for so much, in God's awesome creation, in those ah-ha moments, in the bad experiences- I will choose to see the beauty in everything.
These last few years my life has been through so many changes, all for the good. Not too many years ago I lived under the fear of religious legalism; always trying to live up to something and never quite measuring up, constantly worried about what others thought of me and trying to be what others wanted me to be (or at least what I thought they wanted me to be) and in the process learning to place judgement. I didn't really like myself because I was more concerned with making sure that other people liked me and that I "fit in". Two years ago I probably wouldn't even have gotten this tattoo simply because of what I feared others would think. I had gotten so lost that I didn't even know who I was anymore, didn't understand the unique purpose that God had created me for in the first place. I was trying to live "societal norms" that I didn't agree with but had somehow made an agreement with. I hadn't learned to think for myself because I was somehow okay letting what others think be my own thoughts and opinions. I was discontent with my life.
I now no longer live in fear, or at least am very aware when I begin to. I no longer worry about what others think of me because it really doesn't matter. God loves me unconditionally; I'm perfectly imperfect and I'm good with that. I've learned not to pass judgement, not COMPLETELY but off to a good start, letting others be who they are too, albeit different than me. I know who I am now, know the purpose that God birthed me into this world for. I know and embrace my unique gifts; they are my unique gifts, not others, and I don't expect people to always understand and like me from every angle. I certainly am no longer worried about "societal norms"; I can think for myself, thank you very much, and a lot of what society does just simply doesn't make sense to me and I refuse to make agreement with it. I am very content with my life, I have SO much to be thankful for. I have been blessed in ways I cannot begin to understand and I really like where I am at. And above all else, I have learned to love ME, and because of that it has allowed me to unconditionally love others. There are still lots of ways in which I can grow but I feel good where I am going. I am like that caterpillar, turned into a beautiful butterfly!
The thing even more ironic is that it all started with my mothers death; an experience that was so difficult that I am still grieving in ways I didn't expect, but, on the other hand, so many good things have come out of that experience for me that wouldn't have happened had she not passed away. I've learned to appreciate the difficult experiences that bring me closer to who I am supposed to be.
And every morning when I step in the shower, I will turn and look into the mirror, and when I see that butterfly sitting on my shoulder I will be reminded that today is a "do-over", a fresh start, a new beginning, and I will choose to give thanks for the beauty all around me; the beauty in me, in those that I love, in those that I don't care for so much, in God's awesome creation, in those ah-ha moments, in the bad experiences- I will choose to see the beauty in everything.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
I'm significant
I rarely watch daytime TV but just happened to catch about 10 min. of Oprah yesterday. The subject of the show was being happy and what makes happy people....well, HAPPY. It was mentioned that life shouldn't be about success but rather about significance.
I just love that! Success is measured in lots of different ways but, generally, in our society it means a degree, status, money, being first and best at something, etc. I THINK you are successful if you are HAPPY. But the significant thing.........it is something I have thought a lot about this last year, realizing that every choice we make has an effect on the rest of the world. We are all connected in some way and every choice we make has a ripple effect. EACH AND EVERY ONE OF US IS SIGNIFICANT. Every single one of us has been born for a reason, our being here is very planned and deliberate.
What I want to be is significant in a very positive way. I want to make a positive difference in people's lives. Even a simple smile can change someone for the better. My friend Heather today blogged that I was an out-of-the box thinker and a very dedicated mom. That made my day, what a compliment. I'm walking a little lighter today because of it. Every thing we do and say can make a positive or negative effect on the world because we are significant. And we can make a difference in this world.
I am very HAPPY! I have so much I am thankful for! I am thankful too that I am perfectly imperfect but I am still beautifully and wonderfully made. I have gifts to offer this world and then I have things that I am not so very good at, which is why someone else is good at those things to pick up the slack for me :) It is a wonderful life!
I just love that! Success is measured in lots of different ways but, generally, in our society it means a degree, status, money, being first and best at something, etc. I THINK you are successful if you are HAPPY. But the significant thing.........it is something I have thought a lot about this last year, realizing that every choice we make has an effect on the rest of the world. We are all connected in some way and every choice we make has a ripple effect. EACH AND EVERY ONE OF US IS SIGNIFICANT. Every single one of us has been born for a reason, our being here is very planned and deliberate.
What I want to be is significant in a very positive way. I want to make a positive difference in people's lives. Even a simple smile can change someone for the better. My friend Heather today blogged that I was an out-of-the box thinker and a very dedicated mom. That made my day, what a compliment. I'm walking a little lighter today because of it. Every thing we do and say can make a positive or negative effect on the world because we are significant. And we can make a difference in this world.
I am very HAPPY! I have so much I am thankful for! I am thankful too that I am perfectly imperfect but I am still beautifully and wonderfully made. I have gifts to offer this world and then I have things that I am not so very good at, which is why someone else is good at those things to pick up the slack for me :) It is a wonderful life!
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
Drivers watch out, teen on the road!
Well, we have entered yet another phase in our parenting journey! Kevin got his drivers permit yesterday. He is very excited!! I let him drive around the neighborhood yesterday with me and when Martin got home he got to take another couple laps with his dad. He is going to be a very careful driver. He is very cautious but I should have known that, he has a good head on his shoulders.
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